"Full to the Gills"

One-Two, Buckle My Shoe

2011-11-01T09:47:00.000-07:00

I realize it's several months after her birthday, but I needed to celebrate my little Lulu being 2! She continues to be fiery and passionate in every area of her life. The little poem about sugar and spice and everything nice was written about her. Especially the spice! Don't be fooled by that demure little face in the picture. If you ask her to make a face she will give you several poses displaying a wide range of emotions. All of you better get your picture taken with her because you will be able to say you knew her when she becomes a famous Broadway actress, a stand-up comedian, a race car driver, and the next Marie Curie.

She is incredibly independent. Her sister is two years older than her, yet she insists on doing everything her sister can do. "NO I DO IT!" is heard often around our house. She can put on her own socks, shoes, and pants using nothing but her own willpower, and the only time you will see her quietly focused for more than 30 seconds is when she's attacking the buttons on her sweater. She will either button that sweater herself or perish. She also potty-trained herself. I wasn't going to attempt this project until after our newborn was sleeping through the night, but sometime this summer she just decided she was done using diapers. She also decided around 11 months that she was perfectly capable of using a spoon herself.

Her joie de vivre is like electricity. Someday it will be channeled properly and will light up cities with joy, hope, passion, and love. However, during her toddler years, we find ourselves daily electrocuted! I pray every day we will make it out alive and heading somewhere near the right direction!

Lucie not only looks exACTly like Jon's baby pictures, but she embodies his wacky nature in female form. If she has a choice between something zany and something normal, you have to bet she will chose the former! Or if a zany option is not available, she will create it. Her favorite color is orange. Not pink, not purple, but ORANGE. She was fascinated with ants this summer and would follow them around on the sidewalk being careful not to step on them. She'll wear a bucket on her head around the house, her face deadpan, until someone notices her. Her favorite literary characters are Curious George, Frog & Toad, Winnie the Pooh, the Very Hungry Caterpillar, and (ugh) Elmo. Her favorite numbers are 11 and 12 and I'm pretty sure she learned how to count just so she would have an excuse to say "eleven" and "twelve." Whenever she says her ABCs she does it as fast as she can, usually while running. Sometimes she gets stuck on the letters H and I and repeats them throughout the rest of the song. It's not surprising that she frequently turns up her nose at my hotdish, but warmly welcomes all of Jon's spicier (he would say "flavorful") dishes, and asks for the extra dash of black pepper whenever daddy has it. She hates cooked carrots and will pick them out of her food, but she doesn't mind raw carrots (I think it's because she's allowed to walk around while eating them).

She wants desperately to express herself, and she is frustrated by her own developmental process. She wants to tell you ALL about what she's thinking and feeling and seeing and doing and hearing and wanting and needing, but she can not form the words correctly enough for her audience to completely comprehend. This results in the throwing of many toys and tantrums. Abigail is often asked to interpret (and she is very good at it!) She can climb tall ladders and goes down the big slides at the park with no help. She often camps herself in her sister's bed which is the top bunk with a book and her Pooh bear.

She is incredibly relational. Abigail is her best friend and when they're getting along they take turns playing the most ridiculous games. When Lucie is feeling particularly mischievous she usually takes it out on Abi, and she harasses her to no end. Her other best friend is her little brother Jonathan. Wherever Jonathan is, Lucie is too. She holds him, pets him, kisses him, and loves on him. She piles his baby toys on top of him so that just his face peeks out. One of her favorite activities is "cuddles on the couch." Her favorite word is "WHY?" and she has the best sniffer of anyone I know. She can sniff out an animal cracker in my mouth from across the house faster than I can swallow it.

I've taken to calling her my little "ginger snap" because she's spicy and sweet at the same time, and yes, she has a bit of snap to her. (Read "sass") She makes me laugh, she makes me cry, and she makes me proud of her every day. I just adore my little Lulu and I love the role she has in our family!

(P.S. To Lucie's future husband: we have begun praying for you. Trust me. You're going to need them.)

Atta Boy!!

2011-10-14T20:31:00.000-07:00

I know it's been three weeks, but our little guy hasn't been formally introduced! Meet Jonathan Richard Gill, Jr! He was born Friday, September 23, at 11:10 pm, weighing 9 lbs 3 oz, and measuring 22 inches long. (For those of you unfamiliar with baby lengths, that's pretty long!) He was officially "early" if you can count 50 minutes before his due date as "early."

Here's the layout of the labor story for all you collectors of birth stories (i.e. every mom in America):

Wednesday, September 21: I had my 39-week appointment at my clinic. I was seeing the midwives who are on call at our hospital (Fairview - UofM). And although I had been having contractions on and off for the past 3 months, I was only between 1 and 2 centimeters at my check-up. Not that that's bad; I was just hoping that with all the contractions I'd been having that I'd be at 3. I chuckled with the receptionist when I scheduled my 40-week appointment. We both hoped I would not have to show up for that.

3:30 pm, Friday, September 23: A set of contractions were starting again. They were similar to the sets I'd had the week prior: short, weak, and sporadic. They would be anywhere from 2-5 minutes apart, but not strong enough to be worried about. I called my clinic and the midwife on-call called me back and told me to wait it out a bit, but not to underestimate how quickly things can progress. Well I did wait it out for a while at home. I called Jon to start wrapping things up at work and head home. I also called my friend Karen to come over and take care of my girls while I labored (I didn't realize how difficult it would be to keep my girls occupied and fed while having progressive contractions!!!) And I called my beautiful mother-in-law to come over to my house after she got off work to watch the girls that night.

6:30 pm: My contractions finally started to regulate and were strong enough that I was confident they weren't going to disappear upon arriving at the hospital. So Karen and my girls prayed for me, and Jon and I left for the hospital! On the way, I was preparing to be disappointed. I knew I wasn't very far along. I had been laboring all afternoon, but I could just tell. Sure enough, they measured me and I was at 4 cm. Then Kris (my midwife) stated cheerfully, "You're having this baby tonight!" My disappointment melted into excitement! Yeah I was! I might have 6 cm to go, but this was it! It might be tonight, it might be tomorrow, but I was going to meet my son very soon. So I spent the next 3 hours bouncing on the exercise ball, sitting in the tub, and roaming the halls. All the while, my coach & hubby rubbed my lower back with a tennis ball, brought me juice & ice water, sprayed my tummy in the tub, held my hand in the hall, and was the quiet support I needed so much.

While walking the hall, Jon turned his head to a room we had just passed. "I hear a baby crying!" he whispered to me. Moments later a charming "Twinkle, Twinkle" melody chimed softly throughout the wing, sweetly announcing the arrival of new, beautiful child. We both teared up. "We're going to have a little baby tonight, too!" I clutched Jon's hand.

10:00 pm: I was at 6 cm. Yes, I was progressing, but it was slow. I had already been laboring for 7 hours which put me at less than a centimeter per hour. At this rate it would be the wee hours of the morning before we got anywhere, and no one knew when my water would break. I was still in good spirits, smiling and cheery. "I wish I could just fast-forward to the end!" I joked with Kris. We discussed what to do next. She said I could either continue along at this rate, which was fine, or they could break my water. Well, I knew that would speed things along, but it would also increase the intensity. Since I was still upbeat and feeling pretty strong, we decided to break my water.

"Whoa," I whispered to Jon after my next contraction. A dozen thoughts crowded my head: that's more like it, now we're getting somewhere, I almost forgot how painful this was. Fear tried to creep in, but God was there with me. And Jon was holding my hand. The nurse came in and Jon whispered to her, "I think she's turned the corner. Tell the midwife," I considered an epidural at this point. I knew I could handle this for a while, but what if this lasted for hours and hours?

11:00 pm: "You are almost there! You're almost at 10!" Kris announced. I looked at the clock. One hour had passed since they broke my water. Are you serious?! Already?! You mean I progressed 4 cm in ONE HOUR?! I couldn't believe I was there already! I had prepared my heart to wait all night. Jon had even told his mom not to wait up, that the baby would be born tomorrow. 5 minutes later Kris was cheerfully exclaiming, "Push already, Brenda! Push that little guy out!" My reaction: "Are you serious? Already?!"

11:10 pm: I pushed for 2 1/2 hours with Abigail. I pushed for 11 minutes with Lucie. Jonathan was born with three pushes! And suddenly, there he was! All tiny and warm and perfect! And boy could he cry! I couldn't believe it; this amazing child in my arms had been kicking me like crazy the day before. Jon cut the cord and announced the birth of his son! He was beaming with pride. After they stitched me up, my new little baby and I nursed for as long as he would stay awake. This was the part I had been looking forward to for so long. Welcome to our family, little Jonathan!

So what are we calling him? Not Jon, Jonny, or Junior. But almost anything else is fair game. Jonathan, J.R., J.J., Little Jon, etc. Great-Grandpa Richard (for whom Jonathan's middle name is christened) might call him "Ricky," though that does give us a Ricky and a Lucie in our family...you got some 'splainin to do! Lucie calls him, "Jommajinsh," and I'm sure that will morph into some neat nickname! We'll see what sticks!

Thank you to everyone who has helped us in this transition! Three is definitely a handful - but I'll write about that in another post! We are so happy to have our little boy! He's already Abi and Lucie's favorite little "toy." I'm so excited to watch my family grow! Thank you Lord, for your blessings upon blessings! Here's one very thankful mama in love :)

Ready to Meet You

2011-09-16T19:26:00.001-07:00

Hello my little lion heart :) This is your mommy. I've been carrying you around for 9 months, reading about how you're developing, feeling you move inside me, watching my belly grow with each passing week. I have fallen in love with you and I haven't even seen your face. I don't know if you'll have dark hair, light hair or NO hair, but I do know that God Himself has formed you and knitted you together to be a wonderfully unique little boy. I don't know if you'll be laid back, adventurous, or reckless, but I do know that God has fit you for plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. With baited breath I wait for the moment when I will hold you in my arms. I can't wait to start treasuring the moments of learning who you are and who God made you to be.

I was afraid for a long time of the trial I would have to face in order to meet you. It's not an easy or even remotely pleasant task to pass through childbirth. I believe I was "ready" for labor with your older sisters because I was so weary of being pregnant. I didn't care what I had to go through, I just wanted to be DONE being pregnant. This is not a bad thing by any means! I was ready, they were born, and my life was gloriously changed! But with you, my little man, I don't feel the same agony of being full-term. This scared me at first, because I felt without the desire to be UN-pregnant, I would not have the desire to go through the rigors of childbirth. But do you know what? God did something amazing in my heart. He has taken away my fear and replaced it with love. I am willing to pass through the waters and through the flames for you. I'm not doing it for me, I'm doing it for you, and God will be with me. And when it's over, I'll have the greatest reward for any trial any person has ever had to endure. I will have you, my son. There is no greater joy than knowing that.

So here I wait patiently for the Lord to give you the signal. He'll tell you when it's time. I hope it's soon.

A Morning Visit to Italy

2011-09-13T13:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, as I was lying on the couch trying to ignore a few pesky contractions, Abigail was thinking. I don't really know what she was thinking about, but she was pondering something. And as any of you who have ever had a conversation with a four-year-old can attest to, she ended up saying something both off-the-charts random and heart-wrenchingly sweet all at once. She looked up at me with those Precious Moments tear-shaped blue eyes, her blond curls pulled back into the most adorable pigtails, and her quizzical brow to ask, "Why can't we go on a airplane and visit Aryn?" Aryn is her cousin, a few months older than her, whose dad (my husband's brother) is in the Navy. They are currently stationed in Naples, Italy. She then asked if we could go to the store to get the plane. I told her airplanes live at airports, and we would have to buy a ticket, which to get to Italy are very expensive.

"And," I added, "you wouldn't want to fly by yourself would you? You'd get lonely. And they don't let mommies with big pregnant tummies on the airplanes."

"But I want to visit Aryn at her house," she sighed. I know, sweetie, I do too.

"I tell you what: Mommy will build a plane in our apartment, and we'll take a trip to Italy tomorrow morning and visit Aryn on the computer, what do you say?" Oh this was going to be fun!

She nodded enthusiastically. We drew a picture of an airplane on our calendar to remind us, not that she would need reminding. She talked about it all night! And the next morning we ate our oatmeal and got dressed quickly and gathered in the bedroom to "pack our bags." I instructed the girls on what they could pack in their carry-on and what they couldn't. They each packed a baby doll and a book in their backpacks, but I told Abi she'd better leave her plastic fireman's axe at home. She looked at me like, "why would I bring that anyway?" So I gave them their tickets and we prepared to board the plane!

The girls went through security with minimal problems (they both set off the metal detector, but it was just Lucie's belt buckle and Abi's flower barrettes). Then, proceeding to their gate, Lucie located our destination on the globe: Italy!

Playing their flight attendant, I took their tickets and showed them to their seats complete with 5-point harnesses! After giving the pre-flight instructions about exits in the event of an emergency (remembering that the nearest exit could be behind you!) we took off!

I served a beverage choice of apple juice or water, and then a snack of popcorn with craisins. The in-flight movie was Tom & Jerry, highlighting "Neapolitan Mouse." We watched for Aryn, but we didn't see her in the streets of animated Napoli :)

When the movie finished (through which the girls stayed strapped in the WHOLE time, even after I told them they were "free to move about the cabin") we watched a YouTube cockpit tour. Abi observed that the cockpit was small and they had small windows. Lucie liked all the light-up switches! Then we flipped through a book and saw how the world looks from an airplane. We located lakes, rivers, cities, farms, and oceans. I pre-screened an airplane landing videotaped from over the wing (I wanted to make sure it wasn't a crash landing) and we strapped ourselves in again for our bumpy landing :) Both girls earned their "wings."

We ate at an Italian restaurant while we "toured" Italy via our honeymoon photos. The girls munched on cheesy pasta while learning about the old buildings in Rome, the white beaches along the Mediterranean, the leaning buildings in Pisa, the Alps in the north, and the streets of water in Venice. Abi could not believe that people there didn't have cars, but drove around in boats instead!
After they finished their pasta, they got a Kinder egg for dessert! I found them in the back of my cupboard, which I believe my dear mother-in-law got for my kids some time ago. I explained that this is a treat that Aryn gets to eat, just like we like to eat Twizzlers and M&Ms.

Lucie got a little dragon inside her egg!

Abi got a little alligator!

After lunch we set up the computer to receive a call via Skype from Aunt Julie and Aryn! The girls sang the ABCs together and Lucie showed Aunt Julie how she can count (3, 11, 12, 11, 12, 11, 12, THE END!). Both mamas sported their respective bumps and held their daughters as best they could in their non-existent laps :) All-too-soon it was time for Aryn's bedtime and Abi & Lulu's naptime. We said "I love you" and "Arrivaderci!" And we returned back to Minneapolis with happy hearts! We had a very nice trip to Italy and back, all in a few hours!

My Father's World

2011-07-19T15:03:00.001-07:00

I've always been an outdoors woman. I'd rather be out in nature than stuffed up inside. I grew up playing in the creek beds dodging cow pies, climbing on rose quartzite boulders rubbed smooth from when the bison herds used to roam the prairies, skipping stones while my dad fished a hundred feet up the pike, swallowing lake water from splashing so much, camping with my family and feeling closer to God and His creativity than ever. My most intimate memories with both my family and my Lord have been while enjoying nature together. I married an outdoors man. And together we've shared many adventures we fondly remember with a twinkle in our eyes. A twinkle that says, "that was an amazing experience and we probably should have died or at least have been severely injured."

One such adventure that comes to mind took place in the Italian Alps at the end of our honeymoon. We decided one morning that we wanted to take a walk. Maybe up that mountain there. We didn't really have any intention of climbing the whole thing; we only packed one bottle of water each and a light lunch. Never-the-less we climbed all the way up a barely marked trail which included a 100-foot-climb on a metal-rung "ladder" up a cliffside. We ran out of water 3/4 of the way up the mountain (and it was HOT and HUMID). We had not "trained" for mountain climbing, so we were relatively out of shape. We just decided to do it. But God was with us. He gave me courage for the scary ladder. He provided a natural well for us right around the time we ran out of water - a well so deep and pure, Jon couldn't even tell where the surface of the water began. He gave us an easier, faster path back down the mountain and just enough daylight & strength to reach the bottom safely. We look back on that experience thinking, "No one knew we were up there; if we would have gotten hurt, no one would have found us for days. We barely had enough food and water to sustain ourselves. We were not adequately prepared. But WOW we saw amazing sights. WOW we saw the glory and wonder of our Maker's hands. And WOW we experienced the provision of our Father who took care of us while we enjoyed His creation." We look back at that adventure with over-flowing hearts.

We had another adventure this morning. Since moving to our neighborhood, we've always wanted to canoe Minnehaha Creek. It's a gorgeous, windy, well-preserved stream that meanders through the western Metro area from Lake Minnetonka all the way until it empties into the Mississippi under Minnehaha Falls. The logistics of canoeing the Creek have always held us back. For one, we don't have a canoe, so we figured we would have to rent one for a few hours. Two, we'd need to have two cars at two separate locations, one for the drop off, and one for the pick-up. Three, we weren't really sure of our Creek-meandering skills via canoe, so we didn't really want to embark on this adventure with kids in tow. Four, the Creek has to be at the perfect depth for navigation to be optimum. If the Creek is too low, we'll get stuck on sand bars. If it's too high, we will have to portage around all the bridges. Well, finally all the pieces fit together: friends of ours were willing to lend us their canoe & gear for the day, Jon drove one car to our pick-up site and ran back for his morning run so we wouldn't have to make 10 trips with 2 different cars, my parents had the kids for the week, and the Creek was quite high so as to go over the sand bars and rocks, but low enough for the canoe to get through most of the bridges. So we embarked boldly into our adventure!

Even though the weather had been insanely hot the past few days with dewpoints in the 80s and temps in the upper 90s, this particular morning was perfect. Still humid, but overcast. As the canoe sat on the dewy grass, Jon took my hands and we prayed over our trip. We put in 4 miles upstream from the Falls. The current was strong (which I admit, frightened me at first) and took us through level I and II rapids swiftly in the beginning. It was amazing to see my beloved Creek from this viewpoint. As the Creek slowed down near Lake Hiawatha, I felt like I was part of a Monet painting at his home in Giverny. Then the Creek widened up and as we drank in the beauty around us, my heart worshiped God. In the mountains I saw Him in His majesty. Here I could see Him in His tenderness and gentleness as He must have appeared to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

At one point I asked Jon, "Are we still in the City?" only to look down and see an orange construction cone buried in the creek bed. "Yup!" he laughed in response.

There were some less-than-glorious moments, as well! Low-hanging branches gave us many a mouthful of leaves, cobwebs, mulberries, and strange insects. We killed close to a dozen spiders during our trip who landed in our canoe and crawled up our legs (ACK!). There was one footbridge that was so close to the surface of the water that we had to lie down in the bottom of the canoe to get under it! But we never had to portage! About a half-mile from our end point, we started to hear the rumbles of thunder. It was actually incredibly romantic hearing the stream and the coming storm orchestrate together. I was so thankful to share this time with my husband and my God. We pulled into the end point before the Falls and Jon hoisted the canoe up onto the platform. We could see the gathering darkness and suddenly felt a bit of urgency. Jon went to fetch the car as I took our supplies out of the canoe. As I was unbuckling the seats I heard the sirens for Hennipen County start blaring. I looked up at the now very unfriendly clouds, and almost smiled. I knew we needed to hurry, but I also knew that the storm wouldn't hit until we had the canoe back up on the car and we were safe inside. We worked quickly to tie the canoe to the rack on top of the Volkswagon, and sure enough, just as Jon made the last of the hitch knots to secure the canoe, we felt the first rain drops and the wind kicked up. We jumped into the car as torrents of rain cascaded from the sky. As we drove the car through the flooded streets, we mused about the timing of this storm. We knew that this adventure was God-given. We could see His hand in every stroke of our paddles. We knew He was also in the timing of the storm. Maybe He hurried the current a bit to enable us to reach our destination in time. Maybe He slowed the development of this front in order to let us get to safety before we were caught in the storm. Maybe He gave us a little extra urgency in our packing this morning so we put in the Creek at 10:00 instead of 10:30. Whatever the case, God knew the plans He had for us, and He took care of us as a father takes care of his children.

Since becoming parents, we've had few such adventures (taking our almost-2-year-old to Central Asia while being 7 months pregnant was one of them) but they are more stressful. When we were climbing the mountain, it was just us: two adults. Now we have these little precious ones who trust us to take care of their every need. They aren't going to realize they will be hungry in an hour while we're on our hike, so Mommy remembers to pack a snack or two. They don't think about how it will be chilly and maybe rainy when we get to higher elevations, so Daddy packs sweatshirts and an umbrella. And because Mommy and Daddy have planned so carefully, their children enjoy themselves. And their parents enjoy watching them discover the world around them. I get it now. Seeing Abigail's face light up when she sees a beautiful flower or hearing Lucie squeal when she sees a duck makes me want to show them more; it makes me want to love on them more. That must be how God feels when He takes me out into His fields, His mountains, His streams, His spaces. And He's already done the planning. He just wants me to enjoy.

The Art of Staying In

2011-05-29T11:42:00.000-07:00

I recently attended a bridal shower where our gifts were supposed to help the newlyweds in their new life together. I had a burst of creativity and bought them some items for a "Stay-In Date Night." It included a box of kettle corn, some gourmet cocoa, a great 2-player game (which I knew the groom was very fond of), and a card filled with instructions on how to keep dating your spouse without spending oodles of cash. I thought I'd share these thoughts with all of you, so you can also benefit, and so you can share your dating-on-the-cheap tips with me! So without further ado, here is my very piddly experience on "The Art of Staying In."

Anyone will tell you the wisdom of "continuing to date" after you're married. But dating is expensive! I feel Jon and I have a practical understanding of the art of staying in (this also cuts back in babysitter pay later on)

1. First of all, make an inventory of things you like to do together (or learn together) that can be done indoors. Nerf ball wars? Learning foreign languages? Puzzles? Then invest in some of those items. *Note: Although movies are nice, remember very little interaction is expected, so reserve these for the "my brain is fried but it's only 8 o'clock and I don't want to go to bed yet" nights.

It should be noted that the reason I specify "indoor activities" is because we have kids and can't leave the house unless they're along or we pay for a babysitter (which either ruins the whole "date" part or ruins the "cheap" part). If, however, you do not have kids, then your range of motion widens infinitely. Shoot for the moon, y'all.

2. Indulge a bit! Remember you'd be spending way more if you were going out. So maybe break open a bottle of cheap wine, or stock up on treats you wouldn't normally give into for these special occasions.

3. Two-player games. If you're a board gamer, make sure your games are suitable for TWO players. Jon and I started out with tons of games, but they were all party games. We have begun to invest in games that can be played with 2 or more gamers.

4. Dress up or Dress Down. There's no law that says just because you're not going out that you can't get dolled up! In fact it's kind of nice to slip into a summer dress in January and sit down for a good logic puzzle or game of Yahtzee! Conversely, the joy of staying in is you can be in your jammies and sip your cocoa in comfort.

5. Don't forget about the "spicy games." Nuff said!

I hope this is helpful those of you who are either newlyweds or more seasoned veterans in the marriage game. Dating your spouse IS important, and it doesn't have to cost a lot of money to do it :) Please share with me YOUR creative solutions to dating on the cheap!

P.S. Jon and I are so nerdy. Some of our staying-in projects include learning Uzbek, doing crosswords and other brainy puzzles, planning trips, any of a dozen different games, and (recently) creating our own World-opoly board. No, you do not have to be as nerdy as we.

Look Out World!

2011-05-17T13:00:00.000-07:00

Our "Little Mister"

We are proud to announce that coming this fall, we'll be adding a little man to the family! We are definitely excited to have a little guy running around, off-setting some of the drama and estrogen that will be coursing through the family as the years progress. Yes, even I, who was afraid to ever have a boy, am excited to welcome a son into the family. You have to understand, we are not just having any boy. We are having a GILL boy.

For those of you who don't know, my husband is the oldest of three. Three boys. Three strong, charming, intelligent, handsome, witty, and adventurous kind of boys. Three wild, crazy, machete-throwing, blender-melting, garage-fire-starting, driveway-fire-starting, house-fire-starting, two-story-couch-jumping, two-miles-from-home-while-still-in-diapers-wandering kind of boys. So you can see where I might be a little anxious about beginning the next generation of "Gill boys." However, I have a few factors in my favor:

First, this boy has two older sisters who will tattle his naughty antics as fast as he can think of them, so there ain't nothin' that this guy is gonna get away with. Don't believe me? You must not have ever played with little girls. Second, HE IS HALF ME. While I do possess an adventurous nature, I also inhibit a great deal of caution and cause-and-effect rationale that may have been somehow erased from my husband's DNA. So our little boy has a 50/50 chance of inheriting a bit of think-before-you-act personality. (By the way, this trait can also be learned, so even if he doesn't inherit it, all is not lost. He will just come out of boyhood with double the scars and double the concussions).

Third, I am more confident in my mothering skills. While I am preparing for the differences in mothering girls vs. boys, I am not necessarily fretting about the same sort of things first-time-moms do. He may eat bugs, skin his knees, fall from a tree, lose a finger, fall face-first into the swimming pool - all before his first birthday and I'm probably not going to freak out too much. Maybe this is God's gift to me. Though I only have 4 years of parenthood under my belt, I've done a LOT of "on-the-job-failing" (I read that phrase in a book and I'm going to steal it) and have learned a lot from my mistakes. I'm fairly confident that my sweet two-girl buffer has readied me to raise a boy who grows into a God-fearing, risk-taking, compassion-giving, ever-learning kind of man. You know, a Gill man :)

P.S. Major kudos to my mother-in-law who was not given a sweet two-girl buffer. She's made of a sterner stuff I think :)

Let's Go to the Movies!

2011-04-25T12:43:00.000-07:00

Everyone remembers their first trip to the movie theater! My dad tells me his first movie in the theater was to see Davey Crockett and that he fell asleep half-way through it. My sister's first movie theater experience was Sleeping Beauty, and it's been one of her favorites ever since. I saw 101 Dalmations, and though I don't recall my emotions regarding the film, I have a few vague recollections of the experience of being in the theater. I remember the screen being big, the sound being big, and the room being big. With the walls draped in scarlet tapestries, I felt I was in a very important place and I remember feeling very honored to be there.

All this being said, I've been putting off taking Abigail to her first film in the theater for a while for two reasons. First, I wanted her to be old enough to perhaps make some memories of her first movie. Second, I've been waiting for the right movie to come along. Certainly there are hundreds of "family" movies or "kid-friendly" movies that come out every year. But I'd argue that the majority of them are full of nothing. In fact, I find that even the movies that are rated G often have subtle adult themes. Even if they are "squeaky clean" there is often no memorable plot or moral, and the kids are often bratty, rebellious, and model terrible behaviors. As a parent, I come down a little hard on movies that are made for kids. That's why it's been so hard for me to find a movie that I can trust will be of good character without having to preview it. The Disney-Pixar movies have been excellent in moral regards, but I feel they're still a little too much for Abi's sensitive heart to take in just yet (she asks me to fast-forward almost the entirety of Sid's house during Toy Story and we skip the Tom and Jerry cartoons that have the bulldog with the sharp teeth in them). I realize I'm a rather HARSH judge of today's "family" movies, and I'm okay with that. I'm not judging what others take their kids to, and goodness knows we have plenty of "twaddle" on DVD in our cupboards! But I do want Abigail's first movie in the theater to be special, and something that I don't come away from feeling icky about.

SO! I've been getting excited hearing that a new Winnie the Pooh movie will be coming out - the first "big screen Pooh adventure" in 35 years. She knows and loves all the Pooh characters and (and so do I!) so I think AT LAST I've found the right fit for my girl. The movie comes out July 15th, so we'll probably go to see it for her birthday in early August! I feel I can trust the Winnie the Pooh characters to not fall TOO far out of line :)

So I'm curious! What was your first movie in the theater and what do you remember about it?

The Quickening!

2011-04-13T12:34:00.000-07:00

I'm about 16 1/2 weeks along in my third pregnancy. Yesterday I witnessed the miracle of what many call "the quickening" or when a mother feels the first kicks of her baby in the womb. This is my third child, but the miracle of this moment never ceases to take my breath away. I think this moment especially blessed me due to the various circumstances transpiring that day and throughout my pregnancy.

Since getting pregnant with this little precious one, I've battled a fear of miscarriage. Several close friends tragically lost their little ones just before or just after I learned of my pregnancy and my grief for them transferred into fear (and guilt) over my own pregnancy. I mourned with them, but I realized (with the help of my husband, friends, and the grace of God) that I should put my hope in the Lord and not to give up on my own baby. Since then I have spoken God's word of Truth over this pregnancy - that God's plan for us is for good, and not harm, that my hope is in the Lord, and that His ways are higher than mine.

We've also been experiencing a battle of health insurance. Without going into all the details, our insurance was dropped at the end of February, just after my first appointment and the hearing of the heartbeat. I've refrained from going to my monthly appointments because I didn't want to get billed until our insurance was stable again. We had received the worst of the news (the denial of health coverage for the family) yesterday morning. Yesterday evening God blessed me with the first kicks of my little one. As I sat there holding my little belly I thought about my God. He is the one who knits this child together, He is the one who holds his or her future, and He controls not only the time when he or she will come into the world, but also how it will be paid for. I am overwhelmed with joy thinking about the life inside me. Doubts and fears may swirl about us, but the Lord is our Rock. And our child is in the most loving hands imaginable.

Today we received good news on our insurance, so don't worry about us. :)

These are a few of my favorite things...

2011-04-01T10:56:00.000-07:00

Both Abigail and Lucie had their Half-Birthdays in February. We don't celebrate them, but I do like to take inventory of what my kids are accomplishing, what they are liking and disliking, and what they are learning at this phase. When they're this little they're still changing by the hour, so a 6-month inventory seems a little underachieving, but well, I've tried.

While Abigail at 3 1/2 isn't boasting of brown paper packages or wild geese that fly with a moon on their wings, she does have a capacity to relate to you her favorite things. In an intimate chat with her a few weeks ago while walking around Lake Harriet, I was able to gather these details of her personhood.

Favorite color: Pink. No surprise. (although she specifies that she prefers light pink over dark) Favorite song: Mighty to Save (from Hillsong). I hope this tops her charts for a while.
Favorite TV show: Sid the Science Kid on PBS. She even has her own microphone and magnifying glass and she explores and investigates just like him. I love it!
Favorite movie: Beauty and the Beast. She's starting to get into the princess thing - I think Belle happens to be a nice role model.
Favorite food: Mac N Cheese. Again, no surprise. I'm hoping her tastes will mature as she does. Favorite game: Chutes & Ladders: Princess Edition. But this is because the playing pieces are little plastic princesses and she likes to take them out of the box and play pretend with them.
Favorite subject: Math. She likes "letters" also, but she must feel more confident in her math skills. Go for it, girl! She also loves science (for reasons mentioned above).
Favorite book: When asked this question she looked at me quizzically and stated matter-of-factly, "ALL the books, Mom!" I looked through our books to see if I could spot a book that is more loved than the others, but after scanning over 100 children's book titles in our little collection (yes, easily more than 100) I came to the same conclusion. She really loves all the books! They all get equal amounts of reading time and she could probably recite them all to you word for word. She recently has been interested in reciting nursery rhymes to Lucie.
Favorite animal: Is this even a question? Goats. Goats are her favorite animal. Which will clue you into the fact that yes, B the Goat is still very much a part of her life!

And now for Lucie. At a year and a half, she can't relate to me what her favorites are. But it's pretty easy to tell where her obsessions lie!

Favorite color: Actually, she hasn't shown a preference yet. I tell her it's purple because purple is awesome.
Favorite song: She loves Twinkle Twinkle, The Itsy Bitsy Spider, ABCs, and the VeggieTales theme song. She'll dance and wave her arms and sing along with anything that has any semblance of a melody. She carries a tune quite well; from a musical standpoint, I'd say she hits her intervals better than any 18-month-old I've ever heard.
Favorite TV show: She watches whatever Abi is watching, but like any almost-two-year-old, she especially enjoys Elmo's World.
Favorite movie: She doesn't really sit through movies yet, but she is pretty crazy about VeggieTales. At least the theme song part :)
Favorite food: It was one of her first words: CRACKER. Graham crackers, soda crackers, cheesy crackers, really anything crunchy. She would also eat all the cheese in my kitchen if I allowed her.
Favorite game: Peek-a-Boo, chasing, and playing catch. Definitely more kinetic than her extremely focused sister.
Favorite book: Five Little Ducks and the Curious George Anthology.
Favorite animal: Ducks (and all related foul: chickens, songbirds, geese, etc. They're all called "Quack-Quacks") and monkeys. But mostly dogs. DOGS DOGS DOGS.
Favorite octave: Super-sonic. Especially when she doesn't get her own way. We're working on correcting that.

So there's my girls in a nutshell. And although they have plenty of differences, the two are starting to play more and get along like sisters do (best friends one minute and worst enemies the next!) I pray their relationship deepens as the years go on!

The Mouths of Babes...

2011-03-13T18:31:00.000-07:00

Here is a smattering of some of the funny stuff that's been coming out of our kids the past few months. (Disclaimer: many of these stories concern only Abigail. She's the one that says stuff so far.) Enjoy :)

Abi: (while driving her car) "You wanna drive the car, daddy?"
Daddy: "I'm too big for that car!"
Abi: "You drive a big car. Daddy drives the blue car. Abi drives the little car. Maybe when you a big girl, you can drive the little car, too, daddy!"

Abi: "Don't step in the puddles, daddy. Only jump in them!"

The story of Jonah, according to Abigail: "Once upon a time, there was a man named Jonah and Jonah talked to God and God said GO TO NIVENAH. But Jonah didn't want to go to Nivenah so God sent a BIG FISH who swallowed him up *HOMP* And Jonah stayed inside for TWO WEEKS. And then the whale turned Jonah INTO A FUZZBALL!"

Mom: "Abi, do you know what this is called?"
Abi: "It's the tower in Paris, where Madeline lives!"
Mom: "That's right!! Do you remember what it's called?"
Abi: "Um...the...Awful Tower!"

Driving by an office building Abi noticed how seamless the windows were around the building. "That building has no doors!" she exclaimed. "How do people get out?" Jon asked her. "Through the windows," was her reply. Naturally, Jon then asked, "How do the people get in?" Abi threw her hands up in the air in her best Superman impression and shouted, "WITH THEIR CAPES!"

Daddy: "Abi, what are you doing?"
Abi: "I'm hiding!"
Daddy: "Hiding, eh? Where are you hiding?"
Abi: "Right here!"

We were discussing how to give and receive compliments one day. I told her that when you compliment someone you say something nice about them, like how kind they are, or that you like their eyes or hair. At dinner that night, Abigail practiced giving compliments to us. "Mama, you have pretty eyes," she told me. "What a nice compliment, thank you Abi!" I responded. Then she turned to Jon and said, "Daddy you have nice h..." I watched the gears turn in her head for a second before she blurted out "HEAD!"

Abi: (looking in the mirror making faces) "Look at my eyebrows! They're getting sad!"

Abigail writes a poem about Lucie:
She don't wants a barrette,
She wants a headband.
She don't wants a headband,
She wants hair!

Abi to Lucie: "Look at your big tummy! You have a baby sister in there! And look at your big bottom! You have a baby brother in there!"

Abi to Uncle Jay: "You're squeezing me like a juice box!"

Abi: (holding a remote to her ear) "Oh hi, Uncle Matt! Can we come over to your house this weekend? Oh your house fell down? Well, I guess we can't come over..."

Abi: "Will I be 3 again after I'm 4, Daddy?"
Daddy: "No, you'll never be 3 again. You'll be 4, then 5, then 6..."
Abi: "And then 7, and then 8, and then 9, and THEN I'll be 20!!"
Daddy: "Yes, I'm sure that's how it will go..."

Mommy to Lucie: "Lulu, you little stinker! You took your mittens off!"
Abi: (quite indignant) "No, Mama, she's not a stinker; she's a precious girl!"

As we returned home one day from running errands, Abigail became more and more excited to see her little goat lovey "B." She even started to call to him from the hallway. "I'm home, B! I missed you! Where are you?" We were all taking off our coats and shoes in the entryway when Lucie shot off into the house still wearing all her winter gear. "Lucie, come back! We have to take off your coat!" we called after her. A few moments later she returned holding B! She proudly presented it to her big sister who thanked her with a big hug :) I live for moments like this!

Lucie was attempting to put her blocks in the shape sorter. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get the star to fit into the square hole. She looked at the box for a second, then simply took off the lid and placed the block inside the container! I think that's what you'd call thinking outside the box and inside the box at the same time :)

One day in the hallway, our neighbor Gladys gave the girls each a dollar. Later on I told Abi we could go to the store and pick out a toy to buy with her dollar. "Or mom," she said, "I can give it to someone who doesn't have any moneys or a car or a house." "That would make God very happy," I told her.

Abi rearranged all the letters in an alphabet puzzle, so I decided to sing Lucie the newly arranged "C, X, I's." She looked at me funny at first as I began, "C, X, I, M, L, Q, J..." Then half-way through the mixed-up alphabet she began protesting, "Noooo! NOOOOOOO!" violently shaking her head. Apparently, this is TOO much outside the box...

Abigail was playing with her Angelina Ballerina mouse who came with real clothes. I noticed she wasn't wearing her little ballet slippers, so I asked Abi about them. She replied, "Well, one of them is lost. I can't find it. And the other one is missing." HA! (We did eventually find both shoes.)

The Definition of Passive Aggressive

2011-03-05T10:51:00.000-08:00

For those of you who live in Minnesota, you may not need a definition. For those of you outside our state, you may not know it, but being passive aggressive runs in our blood, just like blond hair, blue eyes, and skin that burns even in the winter time. People often associate passive aggressiveness as "Minnesota Nice." We aren't going to come right out and tell you you're a pain in the butt, but we will ignore your phone calls and purposefully not invite you to the potluck. If you are also passive aggressive, you will pick up on these hints and stop being a pain in the butt. HOWEVER, if you are not passive aggressive, you will not pick up on these hints, and the tension will mount and mount until...until you have a story like this one:

Once upon a time a rural Minnesota girl who was your typical Minnesota-Nice, passive-aggressive type fell in love with an atypical "just tell me how it is and quit beating around the bush" Twin Cities boy. They got married and all was well for a while. The girl vowed to try to be more assertive and the boy promised to try to pick up on her signals. But one can't change how they were raised to deal with problems overnight. Or even in 4 years.

One day Minnesota Girl was fixin' breakfast for her curly-haired daughters and herself (who was not quite great-with-child). They happened to run out of FOUR boxes of cereal at the same time! Girl thought, "I can't put all these boxes in the garbage at the same time! My husband is so faithful to empty the trash, he will be upset that it is full already this morning. When he wakes up and tries to empty his coffee grounds into the garbage with his eyes shut, the grounds will spill all over his feet and he will be very put out." So Girl placed the boxes neatly on the counter as a silent reminder for him to take them out with the next full garbage bag. And Twin Cities Boy certainly did wake, empty his coffee grounds and fix his breakfast with his eyes closed and didn't see the boxes sitting there through his eyelids.

Days passed. The boxes remained. The garbage was taken out several times and still the boxes remained. Girl found this curious. "Maybe he has grown accustomed to seeing them on the counter here and has adapted to their presence. I will put them somewhere he will see them and surely he will take them out with the garbage." So Girl took the bags out of the boxes and scattered the boxes on the floor. "There! He will step on them and take notice!" She nodded and went on her way.

But alas, when she came into the kitchen later on, the garbage had been emptied, but the boxes were kicked neatly under the cupboard overhangs to clear a path.

Girl inwardly seethed. "How can he not see these boxes? I have done everything to bring them to his attention outside of actually telling him about them! Drastic measures must be taken."

On their day of rest, Girl collected the boxes and coolly stacked them on Boy's office chair while he sat in it. Boy looked at Girl incredulously. "What is this?" he asked, clearly offended. "These are the empty boxes that have been waiting to be taken out with the trash for over a week. Maybe now that they are on your chair, you will remember to take them out."

Boy, in his great wisdom, said nothing to Girl, but requested a bag for them and placed them in the hallway for near-instant removal. This act of love on his part brought her to realize her lack of assertiveness. She repented of her passive aggressiveness. But we'll never really know what Boy's thought process was when he kicked the boxes under the cupboard overhangs.

The End.

NEW Adventures in the Life of Brenda #13: My Trip to Aldi's

2011-02-28T18:55:00.000-08:00

I noticed I had this post drafted but never published. So I finished it for your reading enjoyment. So, yeah...enjoy :)

After 3 days of scraping by without milk, bread, fruit, eggs, noodles, meat, or (most devastating) MAC N CHEESE, I finally wrote up a grocery list and committed myself to getting groceries no matter the cost. We were in Chanhassen for the morning & early afternoon visiting with family so I decided that when Abigail woke from her nap we'd leave and I'd pick up groceries on the way home. Thus begins my tale of woe.

It can be a long 20 minute drive back to Minneapolis from Chanhassen, especially if your baby decides to serenade you with her rendition of "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" (which is what I might assume a cat on a hot tin roof would sound like). It is excruciatingly slow if your baby is screaming as you creep along the Crosstown at a snail's pace in the midst of an endless snake of brake lights. As I inched through Edina passing exit after exit, I began to plan out alternate routes to Cub - anything to get off the highway. I got off on Penn and while waiting at the stop light, I had an epiphany. I looked to my right and there, in stately majesty, was a Lund's. I sighed. I knew I would probably spend ten to twenty bucks more by stopping here than at Cub, but Lund's was HERE and Cub was not. So I turned toward the overpriced (but at least they bag your groceries for you) grocery store. As I was driving toward it, I saw that just south of it was an Aldi's. Hmm, I thought, I've been meaning to check out an Aldi's and see what all the fuss is about. And by fuss, I mean my Aunt Marie lecturing me in her kitchen while she waved a green pepper and a paring knife around in my face. It was also the store we were told to recommend to the refugees when I volunteered with World Relief. So I pulled into the Aldi's parking lot and took in my first impression of the place. It looked smaller than I was expecting, and didn't look very organized. But that makes sense; organization and flashy signs cost money. This is one way to keep the costs down. So I unbuckled Abi and lifted Lucie's carseat out of the carrier and we walked to the store.

Oh, the carts are outside. I'm going to have to wear gloves to push this thing! It's freezing out here! I thought to myself as I plopped Lucie's bucket seat into the front basket. I pulled on the handle only to rattle and disturb my entire row of carts. It was then that I realized that the carts were locked together, and the only way to unlock your cart was to pay 25 cents. This might not seem like a big deal, but for someone who pays for every purchase with plastic (yes, even to buy stamps!) it's hard to find actual money in my wallet. In fact I could find no moneys in my wallet.

I unlatched Lucie from the basket and herded Abi back to the car. Thoughts ran through my mind of just packing them up and leaving, but I was here, I should at least dig through the car for a quarter. Lo and behold we found one under the driver's seat. Who's judging my messy car now?! I inserted my quarter, unlocked my cart, and took my brood inside where we were at least flooded with a wave of warmth.

Now whenever a person visits a new grocery store, they must allow time for the search. Because you're not going to know where anything is. But at least you usually know what you're watching for. Noodles = green Creamette boxes, Mac N Cheese = blue Kraft boxes, etc, or if you're into the generics, you'll at least know your Market Pantry box of spaghetti will be next to the green Creamette box. However, I was unaware that Aldi's brands were ALL ALDI'S BRANDS. There were no green or blue boxes to guide me. I had to read every. Single. Label. And there seemed to be no rhyme or reason to the layout of the store. Let's see, I'm looking for pork n beans. This aisle has mops, tortillas, hula hoops, canned soups, dish towels, and fruit juice in it. I guess it could be in this aisle...

Then it turned out that they didn't even have everything I needed! You mean I'm still going to have to go to Cub so I can get taco seasoning?! I was starting to get at tad peeved. I stood there in line, my peevishness in its infancy stages as I waited to check out. Then I noticed something. That lady just put all her food back in the cart after checking out. She's going to have a tough time getting all that food in and out of her car! I puzzled to myself. Then it hit me: there were no bags for the groceries.

WHAT KIND OF KANGAROO OUTFIT ARE THEY RUNNING HERE?!?!?!

Peevishness maturing...into adolescent stage...I searched for a logical explanation. Of course, well, it makes...sense...to cut cost a company should charge the consumer for ones bags...but it seems so...so...COMMUNIST.

Then it was my turn to check out. I lowered my pride and paid for 6 bags for my groceries. I have failed to mention that aiding in the escalation of my emotions was my infant who was probably cooked to medium-rare in her car seat (mostly red with anger) and my toddler who closed up shop on obedience for the day somewhere in the hand soap and cookie aisle. Who could blame them?! I had just spent an hour in the grocery store moving at a snail's pace at their cranky "I WANT DINNER!" hour.

But Aldi's wasn't done. There was one last surprise that they were holding out on. One final straw for this camel's back.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," the man said as he handed me back my Visa. "We don't take credit cards."

I stared at the man blankly. In a moment, my mind screamed, "You don't take credit cards? Where are we?! The Turkish Bazaar? Even booths at the State Fair let me use a credit card! Heck! I paid for Girl Scout cookies with plastic! You mean to tell me that a chain grocery store in the 21st Century does NOT take credit cards?!?!?!" But the moment passed and my face remained blank as my little heart surrendered, waving a tiny white flag before the cashier. Of course they wouldn't accept credit cards. Of course they wouldn't.

I almost dragged my children dejectedly out of the grocery store sans groceries after an hour of shopping, but then - AHA! I remembered. By a miracle of God and because of his supreme mercy (no joke, I would have melted into a pile of goo if God had not shown His mercy on me in that moment) I reached into my diaper bag and what should I find but a dust-covered, cobweb-filled check book. Do I ever carry my checkbook with me? Never. How did it get in my diaper bag? I'll never know. But it was there nonetheless, almost glowing with an aura of victory.

"What's the date today, and what's my total?" I asked the cashier with a look that said who has the upper hand now?! I was thinking of my savings, knowing I would have spent between $60 and $70 for this same cart of groceries at Cub. Oh the savings! I could hardly wait to hear the total...

"It's the 9th of December today, and your total is $63.75," he stated back to me in monotone. Like a robot. A robot with the upper hand for infinity.

I rolled my bought & paid for groceries out to my car, stuffed my little screamers into their car seats, returned the cart, got my quarter back and promptly stuffed it under my seat where it belonged. I looked up at the glowing sign and made a solemn oath: I will never shop at Aldi's again. Shaking my angry fist, I added just for emphasis: NEVAH!

Sabbath Holiday!

2010-11-13T15:44:00.001-08:00

This morning we all woke to find a great surprise! The precipitation that could have either come in the form of rain or snow had chosen the latter, funner form, and it piled heavily on cars, hydrants, and tree branches like fluffy white pillows.
Looking out over our courtyard Abigail kept saying, "Let's go play in the snow, mama! I wanna make a snow man! And a snow angel!" Lucie didn't really know what to think. Afterall, she was only 7 months old when the last of the snow disappeared last spring. But she could feel the excitement!

I had decided the night before to make homemade cinnamon rolls for breakfast, and the apartment was soon filled with the smell of baked bread and coffee. Abigail sniffed the air as she ran to the oven. "Mama! Something smells delicious, delicious, delicious!"

Lucie apparently thought so, too! She was stalking the kitchen waiting for the rolls to cool down.

She then proceeded to scarf the equivalent of two complete rolls all on her own. As soon as her bowl was empty, she held it up and signed, "please? please?" How could I refuse? Especially since the first snow of the season is kind of like a holiday!

I started to pull out jeans and sweatshirts for the girls when Jon declared the day a pajama day. So we pulled out our winter gear instead. I felt like I had prepared well. You can never predict when the first snow will be, but you can predict how a 3-year-old will act as soon as she sees the snow! It's best to have the boots, the mittens, the coat, the hat, and the snowpants ready for that day. And indeed they were. But what a pile!!

And of course, what would the first snow day be without a child falling over from the amount of padding surrounding their limbs? At least it cushions the fall...

At long last, we ventured out into the wonderland...

Jon designed the snowman with Abi. I think she is duplicating the face they decided to make for the snowman. The little boy in the background is a new friend we made. He lives down the hall and continued to create a snow people village after we left. I have a feeling we'll be seeing a lot more of him!
Abi refused to take part in this picture, but she couldn't completely escape...
After Lucie's little nose and eyebrows started to form icicles, we decided it was time to go home and defrost. We peeled off layers on layers of soggy coats and ice-crusted mittens to find our comfy pajamas still warm and dry underneath. I prepared some hot cocoa for us all (lukewarm cocoa for Lulu) and we watched Iron Will (because we just haven't had our snow fill for the day yet!) Lucie squealed and pointed every time she saw a doggie on the screen. And when there wasn't a doggie on the screen she would draw our attention to the doggie on the cover of the video with squeals and more pointing!! But eventually, everyone wore down and was tucked into their own beds.
Abigail and I went out again after naptime, and again I had to still the desire in my heart for a yard that I could just let her run in without her every move necessitating supervision. But "there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven," ~Ecclesiastes 3:1. Again, I found contentment being in the middle of God's will and HIS timing.

Even though the girls were obviously exhausted, there were no fits, no whining episodes, and no fights all day long. (WELL, I'm not counting when Abi shut Lucie's thumb in the door; they were having fun before that happened) After a nice warm bath to wash away the cocoa mustaches, the girls sleepily dragged their respective loveys to their beds. A few blissful moments passed as I listened to them giggle in the dark. Then the sleepies won them over and all was quiet. Today was one of those days where I cry with gratitude knowing what amazing gifts God has given me. Today was one of the most peaceful and restful Sabbaths we've enjoyed in quite a while. Thank you, Father for meeting with us today.

Veteran's Day

2010-11-11T05:53:00.000-08:00

It is the soldier, not the reporter,
Who has given us freedom of the press.

It is the soldier, not the poet,

Who has given us freedom of speech.
It is the soldier, not the campus organizer,
Who has given us the freedom to demonstrate.
It is the soldier,
Who salutes the flag,
Who serves beneath the flag,
And whose coffin is draped by the flag,
Who allows the protestor to burn the flag.

- Father Dennis Edward O'Brian, USMC

Thank you to all who have served and fight for our freedom.

Today I honor the two men who mean most to me in my life: my husband and my father.

Jonathan
USMC Reserves
Military Police
Operation Iraqi Freedom/Operation Enduring Freedom
2003, 2005-2006
Navy Presidential Unit Citation

John
US Army
Infantry
Vietnam War
1968-1969
Bronze Star, Army Commendation Medal

Marine Corps Birthday

2010-11-10T21:47:00.001-08:00

Happy Birthday Marines

Facebook Vacation

2010-11-10T11:45:00.000-08:00

Jon and I are challenging ourselves to take a vacation from Facebook for a whole week so we can...do stuff. I find myself hovering around the computer before realizing that there's nothing to do there. I'm one day into my Facebook "fast" and all would be well, except for one downside: I used Facebook to glean mommy-pity, er, I mean support. Last night when Lucie woke 3 times screaming in pain from her glacier-slow molar carving into her inflamed gums, I tried not to think about the fact that I wouldn't be receiving all the Facebook pats on the back for a job well-martyred. Instead I did what all the moms did back in the pioneer days before Facebook: 1) I cried into my pillow
2) Gave my baby a frozen teething ring
3) Read my Bible and got filled up with words of Life
4) Called a friend for encouragement and support.

Oh if only.

Actually, I'm a little embarrassed to say that even though I know the order of things I should have done to pick myself up when I was down, this is what I did instead:

1) Cried into my pillow
2) Slept in (because my hubby let me)
3) Gave my baby a frozen teething ring
4) Put on a video
5) Tried 1000 different ways of comforting an exhausted and suffering toddler
6) Put the kids down for a nap
7) Blogged about my struggles and mis-steps as an attempt to gain sympathy

There you have it folks. Day One of my Facebook Vacation reveals to me that I look to internet pals for encouragement when the hard mommy days roll in. Well, enough of this. I've wasted enough of your time (and mine) so I'm going to close, and then sit in the quiet apartment with my Bible open in my lap and get some real refreshing. I invite you to do the same.

The Triple Crown

2010-10-02T19:33:00.000-07:00

Since I began running full-speed ahead, no-holds barred, with-the-wind, in love with Jesus, I knew I might have to give up a few things in life, perhaps some things that many people assume come with being an American. After all, I didn't know what God had in store for me - I didn't want to be disappointed.

God gave me peace (several times...hehe) about being single. But God in His goodness gave me an AMAZING husband! I knew children would come in his time. One month after our first anniversary, our little Abigail was born, and Lucie came along later. But we'll never be able to afford a car that's not a junker. Lo and behold! We own a very nice Passat wagon that is under 100,000 miles and has heated leather seats! Wow, now we're talking God!

But I knew a house would have to wait. I knew Jon and I weren't ready to own a home. Unless God drops a house on us Wizard of Oz style, we'll be renting until further notice. Some items associated with home-ownership I am content to be without. Items such as lawnmowers, snow blowers, sump pumps, etc. (Who, by the way, coined the name "sump pump?" It's very name brings images of bubbling sewage to my mind. But I digress.) But then there are a few appliances that I think about fondly...with a sort of 1950's era gloss on them. I call them The Triple Crown. Yes, Brenda's Triple Crown of Cleaning Efficiency, the apex of the pyramid of household appliances. The Triple Crown gave the housewife victory over pruny hands, calloused knuckles, and bird poop on your knickers. Indeed, I mean the dishwasher, the washing machine, and the dryer.

I've never owned a dishwasher. Growing up, us kids each had a dish-washing night to look forward to every week. We made our own fun in small towns, we did. I found when I briefly lived in a house that used one, I didn't know how to load the dishes in it so that the little plastic lids didn't go flying all around. And I didn't know that you had to wash the dishes before you actually set the dishwasher to wash them (huh?). I didn't even know where to put the dishwasher soap, but at least I knew you had to use the special soap! (I had seen enough cartoons with bubbles spilling out of the machine to know that dishwashers require SPECIAL soap!) But I learned quickly, and then I had to leave the dishwasher behind when I got married. I'm thankful for my double sink, and I have a system down to ensure maximum efficiency in dish-washing prowess (plastics/glass first so they don't get that greasy film on them, then plates & bowls because they towel dry easily, then the silverware, then the pots and pans, then anything with...mold. Remember my number one un-favorite chore is cleaning out the fridge.) Even with my system in place, I look forward to the day when I have a dishwasher.

Although I grew up with a washing machine, there was a time (five months of time, actually) where I had to hand-wash all my clothes. When I was in the Peace Corps, we didn't even get a washboard. We rubbed the clothes against themselves to get them clean. Rub a little soap on the bottom of your sock, scrub it against itself or another sock, till the suds weren't black any more. Then rinse it out in the FREEZING tub of water. I developed callouses on the insides of my index fingers pretty fast. When you hung up the laundry to dry during the winter, it took days, because not even the insides of the houses are heated very well. And on the warm days, the birds would poop all over your meticulously washed blouse, so now you have to wash it all over again.

Nowadays I have access to machines who do the work for me, but they're not cheap. There are three tiny machines down the hall who charge me a dollar every time my daughter throws up in her bed. And then they make me keep the soiled sheets in my bathtub til morning when the laundry room opens. Or I could drive 18.24 miles to my in-laws' house where they have generously given us permission to wash and dry our laundry. And although this option is technically cheapest, it does mean an entire day is devoted to the washing and drying of laundry and nothing else. (This option also gives Nana playtime with her granddaughters, so this is definitely the better deal! It just means a day where I only check one item off my list of things to do.)

You may think this post is nothing but a gripe session, but really it's anticipation for the day (someday?) when I might finally own The Triple Crown. And oh, it is SO trivial in light of the Kingdom of God. But maybe it's not. Maybe it's a call to be mindful of the things I forget to be thankful for. Maybe I would have taken the dishwasher, the washing machine, and the dryer for granted had God given them to me after I said "I do." As it is, the day when I own all three of these appliances, I will throw a party where my guests can bring anything that needs to be washed, rinsed, spun, jet-dried or fluffed. It will be a wild time. And I'm pretty sure I'll be thankful every day of my life that follows.

Birthday Month: Complete

2010-09-13T18:54:00.000-07:00

I will not be making a baby this November, or any November to come. This might seem a bit too much information, but when you make babies in November, they are sure to be born in August. I thought this would be a great idea: two kids in one month! I'll just smush their parties together and I'll only have to plan one party instead of two! While this will be my ingenious, conniving plan for the future, it doesn't work for those "first birthday" moments. This August, I had to plan TWO parties. Which ended up being five parties somehow. I'll spare you most of the details. Abigail turned 3, Lucie turned 1, and they are both still requesting cupcakes and presents every time they see a candle. Abi actually makes birthday cakes by layering objects. For example, she'll pile 3 tupperware containers on top of each other, then carry them out to you singing "Happy Birthday." She makes birthday cakes with books, blocks, plates, even shirts. Then you blow out the candles and "eat" the cake. At any rate, two birthdays is definitely my limit per month, so November is out of the conception pool.TOYS GALORE!

She understood what the cake was for!

Note to self: apply strawberries before serving. Not the night before.

As for my little gems, they are fast becoming pals despite their personality differences. Little Lucie is (and has been from the start) a little firecracker. There's a lot of spunk in that little bundle, and when she squawks, she means it! She charms everyone she meets. I'll tell you her flirting secrets: 1) She begins with a coy smile, looking up through her long eyelashes, and pushing her cheeks up into her eyes so you can only see a sliver of the energy that alights from her eyes. 2) After you return her smile, she will reward you with what I call the "Muppet Smile": a smile that takes up the whole lower half of her face, so big you can see her tonsils. Now you're hooked. 3) You laugh and might approach her because she has seemingly given you a pass to advance, but now she will play hard-to-get. She will bury her face into her shoulder or mine or her blanket while squealing. Then she will slowly peek just enough to see you with one, triumphant eye just to make sure you're still looking. You've been caught! 4) She will return to step one, give you her coy smile, and she may repeat the process as many times as you choose, or for however long you follow her in the grocery aisle.

Abigail maintains her "less is more" technique of wooing friends. It's a struggle to photograph anything but a blur of a face yelling in protest. I have a lot of pictures of her lovely blond curls. I can occasionally trick her by asking her to "make a face at the camera," which she gives rather willingly so far. With the advancement of Abigail's age, we decided to promote B the Goat to Lord and Protector of the Front Hallway. We even bought him a throne. When we leave the house, B sits (or lays if he is feeling lazy or sleepy) on his throne with a book or toy and wards off potential criminals from breaking into our home. We need a "Beware of Goat" sign for our door. Even so, the transition from taking B EVERYWHERE to taking him nowhere has been surprisingly painless due, I'm convinced, to the implementation of the Goat Throne. Speaking of thrones, potty training has finally gone to seed. We started last January, got it NAILED, as in she was trained in a week and was accident-free for a whole month, when she regressed. There was a lot of stress in the home at that time and I think her little heart just couldn't stand being all grown-up for a while. We let it go for a few months and tried again in July. This time it took off and despite a few set-backs (including one accident on my nanny-family's couch), we are now even past the rewards stage (although she does request a marshmallow for a #2 from time to time).

Lucie isn't walking quite yet, but she is signing "please" and "thank you" (which she gets the biggest thrill out of) and she can locate her belly button (or yours if you're within reach). She is all about speed, so I think she is unwilling to walk because it will not take her to Abi's cup/toy/book/open crayon box before her sister notices and yells, "BUT NO BUT NO BUT NOOOOOOOOO!" **SQUAWK!!** is usually Lucie's reply. She likes to stalk the bathroom; if you don't latch the door shut she will usually invite herself in and crawl in between your legs. If you do latch the door she'll either pound on it and squawk or just sit there nicely so you have a surprise baby waiting with big smiles for you after you flush! She throws a mean fast ball. She also has a lovey, the flannel blanket I used to swaddle her in (all the way til she was 9 1/2 months old...oops). So even as I've partially weaned Abi from her Goat, Lucie's blanket replaces the need to REMEMBER TO BRING THE LOVEY WHEREVER WE GO AND DON'T FORGET IT THERE. She's a real mama's girl, and I kind of like it that way since her sister followed the meaning of her name and basks in the delight of her daddy.

Abigail gets brighter every day, using words like exquisite and privacy. She started Preschool this fall and asks for it every day. She was so eager to learn how to write her name that I showed her how and now she can actually do it, which surprises the socks off of me. She's not a prodigy by any means, but she's a pretty sharp little tack. She wakes up at 7:30 on the nose and announces to the world that "The number 7 is on!" (I have her clock set a half hour back, hehehe, joke's on her!) She started a chore chart last week and has been faithfully making her bed, picking up her toys, getting dressed, and clearing her dishes without complaint, or at least with the promise of donuts at the completion of the chart. She draws faces with hair, big eyes, a nose, a mouth, ears, cheeks, and long legs and arms sticking out of the head. Some are happy, some are sad, she can't really control what emotion they'll be feeling. She also draws donuts now. She knows all her upper case letters, most of the lower case, counts to 20 (but leaves out 16, just like Alexender who keeps having a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day), "reads" books to Lucie/B/herself, rhymes, knows her colors & shapes, but couldn't carry a tune in a bucket :) All the same she loves to play that one note on the recorder when you don't cover any of the holes, and play her little snare drum like Christopher Robin. When either of those items are used as violent reminders for Lucie not to touch her matroshka doll, they get put up for the day, and she gets a time out. Favorite food: cake and mac n cheese. Favorite movie: Sweet Pea Beauty. Favorite song on the radio: In Christ Alone. Favorite Book: ...this is impossible to narrow down to even 25. Right now she is obsessed with Little Bear.

So my little girls are not so little any more. I keep seeing babies and thinking about #3, but we're going to hold off for now. At least through November!

Life in the Fast Lane

2010-08-23T18:48:00.000-07:00

I think God has been sending me some major hints the past few months. When the lyrics in your life start fitting together to create a soundtrack, take heed. Ignore at your peril. I'm about to share with you all the soundtrack I've started hearing and if it strikes a chord with you, I urge you to take a good long moment to sort out the music from the noise.

It all started at the beginning of the summer. You remember how Jesus told stories in parables in the Bible? He spoke this way so that his disciples would understand radical principles because he had likened them to earthly concepts that they could relate to. Jesus told me a parable while I was driving my daughters back from a park. It was a gorgeous sunny summer day, and we were driving down a scenic, winding road, nice and slow. The windows were down and the radio was playing; it was even a song Abi knew and we were singing together. Soon enough we met up with the highway. I accelerated onto the on-ramp, and as we got up to speed, the noise of the traffic drowned out the song on the radio. We tried to keep singing along, but I realized after a few lines that we were not keeping up with the song. I don't claim to always be listening for God's voice in my life (for reasons to be explained), but I must have been listening this day. Suddenly the seemingly meaningless events that had just taken place fit together in a personal parable for my life.

I could see my life as a drive down a scenic, winding road. The "radio" I sing along with is actually God - His voice in my heart, the Holy Spirit's urges, the moments that speak life. Some songs I know really well. Maybe they're truths I learned as a child or scripture I memorized. Some songs I don't know at all; they're new truths or words that God reveals to me day by day. Then life speeds up. I get caught up with all the events around me; I pack too much into my day. I race among the other cars, all with a purpose, a drive, a destination that seems so very important. And the radio fades into the cacophony of this rat race. God's voice becomes harder to discern, and I can really only hear it if I hear "familiar chords" of a song I already know. My first inclination is to merely turn up the volume of the radio! But I know it doesn't work like that. God's voice is often in the gentle whisper; He doesn't scream to get our attention. He waits for us to listen to Him.

I was astounded by this parallel and told a lot of people this story. Everyone agreed that this is SO RIGHT - our lives are too fast, and we can't hear God's gentle whisper through the roar of life. Wow, right on! Don't you love it when God speaks?!

And life went on as usual. I started a study on grace with some friends of mine in July. I was realizing that I couldn't handle all the irons in my fire, all the balls in my airspace, all the stuff on my plate. I was realizing I needed to understand and ask for more of God's grace in my life. And wouldn't you know it, a sermon on grace popped up at that moment. Wow, what an amazing coincidence. Since I don't believe in amazing coincidences, I immediately recognized God's timing. God wants me to heed this - let the message of grace take root. Wow, right on! Don't you love it when God speaks?!

And life went on as usual. August has been (and will be) a mad rush of birthdays and weddings and parties and play dates and lakes and vacations, vacations, vacations. I've heard myself praying, "God I need more of your grace today!" over and over again. This last weekend, my amazing mother-in-law asked if there was anything I needed prayer for. I said I am looking for a better understanding of grace in my life. She prayed for me, but then she gave some advice straight from heaven to me. She said, "God is pleased with you. God wants to fill you up, and you don't have to do anything for it - just come to His throne and sit. Don't say anything, just sit and be quiet before Him. He will give you everything you need." I have to admit, at this point I started seeing a persisting theme through my summer. I am doing too much, it's making my life too crazy, it's making me spiritually deaf. Thanks, Cynthia. Wow, right on. Don't you love it when God speaks?!

And...life went on as usual. Well at least as usual as 2 days can be. Then today happened. A normal day with a list a mile long of chores I wanted done. But I'm a woman, I multi-task! So while I washed the dishes, I fired up the laptop to listen to Focus on the Family. I found a program that looked interesting and added it to my playlist and started listening. As the program began, I looked up from the sink, puzzled. This didn't sound like the program I had selected. I went over to look at the playlist, and although the program I had selected was highlighted on top, it was not the one that was playing. Instead it was a program on clergy burnout. Well, this is an irrelevant topic! I'm not a clergyman in danger of burnout! And I was just about to delete it when a few lines popped up about "hectic schedules" and "being too busy" and "having no time to rest." I almost dropped the dish I was holding, because (I'll admit) I was a little creeped out at this point. Humbly I returned to the sink to listen to what I concluded was a lecture hand-picked by my loving Father. It tied every rhythm and rhyme together into a beautiful rhapsody. Come to Me all who are weary and burdened. And I will give you rest. I make you lie down in green pastures, I lead you beside quiet waters. I restore your soul. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. My summer opus: Slow Down.

A Short History of Medicine

2010-06-25T06:31:00.000-07:00

A Short History of Medicine

"Doctor, I have an earache."

2000 B.C. -- "Here, eat this root."

1000 A.D. -- "That root is heathen; say this prayer."

1850 A.D. -- "That prayer is superstition; drink this
potion."

1940 A.D. -- "That potion is snake oil; swallow this pill."

1985 A.D. -- "That pill is ineffective; take this
antibiotic."

2000 A.D. -- "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this
root!"

David and Goliath: as told by Abigail

2010-06-21T12:41:00.000-07:00

When Abi is sitting on the potty I often tell her a story. Sometimes it's a book, sometimes a Bible story, sometimes I just recap what we've done that day. This morning, as I was taking my turn in the bathroom, Abi came in and put her hand on my knee and asked sweetly, "Can I tell you a story mama?" How could I resist? Here is the story of David and Goliath she told me, as best as I can remember:

Once Upon a Time, there was a boy named David, and he was a good little boy. And he had lots of brothers...doo gabba gabba bar oh dah gooby-doo...Then Abi went to bed. And the boy came to play. Then...Goliath came. Then...(looking at the tub)...I took a bath. And then we goed camping! And we goed to the mountains! And after we goed to the mountains, we see the lizards, then after we go to the lizards, we go to GRANDMA'S HOUSE!! Then we came back home and took a little nap. And then...it was time for bed. The End!

I'm so glad the spiritual seeds I'm sowing are taking root, haha!

Lucie at 273 Days (Or 9 months, as some call it)

2010-05-30T22:42:00.000-07:00

Lucie Ferghana celebrated her 9-month birthday last weekend at Gooseberry Falls! You can probably see from the pictures that she's got the cuteness factor down! I love the 9-month check up because there are no shots (if you've kept up to date on the previous visits) so it's just weight, height, head circumference, some pokes and flashlights shining around her face, and we were out of there. She still managed to cry through most of the appointment.

"No! Don't take my clothes off! I hate putting on and taking off shirts! Now what are you doing? LAYING ME DOWN?! I NEVER gave authorization for laying me down! WHY IS THIS BED SO COLD?! WAAAAAAAH! Don't stretch me out; I want to kick!" *flail*kick* "Get that thing off my head! WAAAAAAH! And whatever you do, don't put that stick in my mouth. I have a tooth and I know how to use it! Oh yes, and it's always a good idea to shine lights in my eyes. You knew I'd respond well to that. WAAAAAAAH!"

Somehow we were able to get her stats (although we had to double check the height measurement because the nurse-in-training's original measurement came up a half-inch shorter than Lucie's 6-month height measurement. No my baby didn't shrink!) She's a little on the small side: 17 lbs 8 oz (25%) and 28 inches long (65%). This is because although she's started solid foods, most of her calories still come from breast milk and well, since she's begun crawling I can't keep her on for more than 15 minutes. She's very interested in the world around her!

* Lucie's disposition: Despite her angry doctor's appointment, she's overall a very pleasant and easily excitable baby! She flaps her arms and gets what we call "grabby hands" while rotating her feet in little circles when she's excited. This almost always occurs when one of her meals is approaching. She is always laughing and smiling (way more than I remember her serious sister doing). She's not very cuddly (she always wants to be looking around or doing something) but she loves to be carried. In fact, she insists on it after her 4 o'clock meltdown. This makes dinner prep difficult. But I've learned how to make a pretty-mean mac n cheese one-handed :) Despite being a bit of a squiggle worm, she still insists on being swaddled (at least her legs). When she's really tired she'll grab her blankie (which is swaddling her), squish it into her face, and roll onto her side in a sleepy fog.

* Lucie's great accomplishments: Finally after about 6 weeks of waiting, she's crawling. She started getting from sitting to prone about a month ago, and I kept saying, "It will be any day now!" Well about 4o of those days went by where she went from rocking on her haunches to pushing off her arms so she scooted backwards (usually under furniture, like in this picture) to moving forward. She's also finally cut her first tooth! (Also very long in the waiting) She can clap and hit surfaces like a drum. She likes to play patty-cake (she actually does the clapping and patting herself!) She also dances! I didn't believe it at first, but when there's music she gets a groove on!

Also, I have a near-identical picture of Abi in this very same position at around the same age. The difference? Abi was bawling. "I'm stuck under the crib!!!" Lucie was amused. "Hm. I'm under the crib."

* Lucie's social life: Most of her time is spent with her big sister Abigail. For several months we struggled with Abi being stressed out and taking it out on Lucie (poor little tykes) but almost overnight they switched to best pals! If Lucie is cranky, Abi brings her toys or handfuls of Cheerios. Sometimes I find Lucie with nearly puffed out cheeks as Abi keeps packing the Cheerios into her mouth as tight as they will fit. In the car, they will make each other laugh (big belly laughs!). Nothing brings me to tears of joy faster than hearing them laughing together! They love to bounce on the couch or the bed and work themselves into hysterical frenzies. Abi will blow raspberries on Lucie's tummy (when it's accessible) and Lucie will take it all as though she were the most loved baby on the planet (which she very well could be!). They kind of share toys but NEVER sippy cups. God forbid. But that's more of Abi's deal than Lucie's. The only similarity I've come up with between them is their looks. They look a lot alike. And they're both smart. Of course. (What parent says their kid isn't smart?) Other than that they are as different as peas and carrots. Lucie is bright, outgoing, adventurous, dramatic, willful, enthusiastic, easily excited AND easily offended. Abigail is calm, sympathetic, quiet, intelligent, timid, loving, and adorably anal. Lucie has the attention span of a butterfly. Give Abi a stack of books and she could sit on the couch for an hour without a peep. Well, this picture pretty much juxtaposes their complementing personalities.

* Lucie likes: mashed up beans, the jack-in-the-box (which, coincidentally, Abigail HATED for months), going outside (at first), coming back inside, her blankie, ANYTHING EDIBLE (or not), closing the lids on the pop-up animal toy, taking things out of boxes, Patty Cake (she claps on her own and even pats her legs when you "roll it, & pat it"), Itsy-Bitsy Spider, music & dancing, patting drums, digging in daddy's pile of school paraphernalia, books with interesting places to touch, to stick out her tongue for hours, clapping toys together, looking at pictures of family, bouncing, spinning the toy that is essentially teaching her how to unroll the toilet paper roll, getting and giving sloppy kisses, fruit, and trying to use a sippy cup.

* Lucie's dislikes: sitting in grass, getting dressed, getting undressed, getting her diaper changed, being put down, the hour before mealtime, sitting in a stroller for more than 15 minutes, sitting in a car seat for more than 15 minutes, being alone, clothes that hinder her crawling, hats (we've already lost one at the zoo this year), and being sat on by sisters.

Well that's the long and short of it! (Mostly the long of it...but I haven't blogged about Lulu in a while, so I thought it was worth a little effort!) We love our little big baby and we can't wait to see how God develops the personality and gifts he's given her :) Lord help us...

Week 4 Push-Ups Progress...

2010-05-30T22:18:00.000-07:00

So I just finished the Week 4 exhaustion test. BRUTAL. My arms are like spaghetti. Well, more like the arms of the WACKY WAVING INFLATABLE ARM FLAILING TUBE MEN as seen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=keI59KRVco8

I pushed myself to do 40 straight. That's quite an improvement of my initial exhaustion test of 22. Jon and I are good motivational partners. And we are instilling a healthy work-out ethic for our children! Lucie shows daddy her very first push-ups :) (Also, you can see Jon finishing his fourth set of 20+ push-ups. That's why he's starting to look a little exhausted!)

Two more weeks!

Kids Say the Darndest Things!

2010-05-16T09:03:00.000-07:00

Per my mom's request (and every mom's advice) I've begun writing down the adorable, the hysterical, the strange, and the heart-warming antics of our two daughters. For your reading pleasure, I give you a collection of anecdotes that will make you smile tenderly and affectionately nuzzle your own sweet babies. Or they will cause a desire to create a sweet baby with whom to nuzzle. To those of the latter group: you've been cautioned. Read at your own risk!

* Nearly every day, Abigail hugs and kisses her daddy good-bye as he leaves for school or work. This particular day, Jon was leaving for work, more specifically, to bar-tend at the lucrative Ruby Tuesday in the Mall of America. Abigail has visited her daddy at his work before, and she has watched him pour beers, shake martinis, and place glasses in neat rows to fill with fountain drinks of many kinds. After Jon gave his usual barrage of kisses to Abi (including a strange phase of her wanting kisses for her elbows), she went to her room and began putting on her dress-up clothes. When she emerged, she was donning a large-brimmed sun hat, a few necklaces, and an over-sized button up shirt. She then went to the front hallway and stepped into Jon's old work shoes. She waddled (very clown-like) to her little car where she slipped on her purse and sat down. Turning to me she stated very matter-of-factly, "Mom, I go to work now. I go to make cups!" Then she scooted, big shoes and all, down the hallway back to her room.

* Jon often chews gum in the car to help keep himself awake during long trips. After one such trip, Abi noticed Jon's constant chewing and of course, wanted whatever he was eating. Jon took out a fresh stick and tore off a small corner. He then instructed her not to swallow it, but only to chew it. "When you're finished," he explained,"you can spit it out in the garbage." When we returned to the apartment the thrill of chewing gum had apparently worn off. Abi went straight to the garbage and spit it out. We applauded her for not swallowing it, and for spitting it out in the garbage (instead of less-appealing places like in her hair, in her sister's hair, in her mother's hair, or in her father's...uh...backpack). However, about an hour later we caught her walking through the living room, chomping away on a piece of chewing gum. Confused Jon questioned her, "Abigail, what are you eating?"
"Gum!" she replied happily.
Already knowing the answer, he grimaced and asked, "Where did you get it?"
Without a hint of disgust, she responded quite honestly, "The garbage!"

* I was clearing dishes after breakfast one morning, leaving Abigail and Jon at the table. They started making up words to make each other laugh. Then Jon started using funny voices which Abi would emulate. One such voice was low and growly, which made it particularly humorous for Abi to copy since she has a high, squeaky voice to begin with. This brought the most laughs from Jon and me, so of course, she mimicked this voice over and over to please us. After a little while her voice got a bit hoarse so she cleared her throat. That little cough must have brought up a bit of phlegm that caused her voice to turn ultra-raspy when she tried to talk again. Instead of coughing again to clear the obstruction she continued talking in the raspy voice - which was super funny-sounding! She suddenly realized that she recognized something familiar about the voice she heard coming from her. She exclaimed in her best raspy-voiced impersonation, "I Uncle Jay!"

* Abigail maintains quite an entourage of stuffed animals that accompany her to bed. The master list would include B (the Goat), Raymond (the otter, as named by Jon), Winnie the Pooh & Tigger (as named by A.A. Milne), and Cat in the Hat (as named by Dr. Seuss). Others that sometimes make the list would be Purple Bear, "Little Pooh" (who is currently naked), Baby 1, Baby 2 (names TBD), and пингвин (if you can get that one, you get bonus points). One night, Abi invited her entire guest list into bed with her. After carefully arranging them several rows deep on her pillow she took a step back and sighed desperately. Then exclaimed, "There's no place for me to live!"

More stories to come! (I have lots more) But I will give you a few shorter dialogues and quotes to whet your whistle:

Abi: "I'm not eating a cow! I'm eating a hamburger!"

Grandma: "Abi, are you satisfied?"
Abi: "No, I HAPPY!"

Mom: "Abi, why are you squatting like that? Do you have to go potty?"
Abi: "No..."
Mom: "Oh I see, you're hiding a golf ball in your shorts."
Abi: "No, I hiding TWO golf balls!"

Mom (to Abi): "Where does the tow truck take the broken cars?"
Abi: "To Canada!"

Abi: "What does a caterpillar say, Daddy?"
Dad: "Umm...rrRrr, rrRrr..." (noise like a cartoon caterpillar inching along)
Abi: "No! He don't say anything! He's just a caterpillar!"
Dad: "I didn't know it was a trick question!"

*

One Hundred Push Ups

2010-05-13T08:12:00.000-07:00

Jon and I have started an endeavor called "One Hundred Push Ups" and this program basically trains you to do 100 push-ups in 6 - 8 weeks.

I'm actually okay if I never get to 100 but I know the training will at least tone my arms a bit! We're on week two and I'm right on track (this stage is still a little light for Jon unfortunately). Jon watches me and tells me when I do "good" push-ups. I don't think I do any truly poor push-ups (like sticking my butt up in the air or anything like that) but out of my averageness Jon likes to encourage me when my push-ups would pass the drill instructor's approval. We both did near 60 push-ups today broken up into 5 sets. I'm feeling it in my abs (which you should if you're doing drill-instructor-passing push-ups), shoulders and arms of course. Plus I've started looking up when I do them instead of watching the ground come at me all the time!

We try to do our exercises when the girls are sleeping. Last week Abi woke up as I was finishing up and she sat on me. Today she tried counting with Jon and counted "1! 2! 3! 4! 5! 6! 7! 8! 9! 10! 11! 12! 14! 14! 17! 19! 12!" Needless to say Jon lost track of how many he did :) I'll try to keep you updated on our push-up progress!

My Summer Reading Selection

2010-05-02T18:22:00.000-07:00

I might not get to all of these (upon further review, I won't - let's be realistic) but this is the list of books I will likely choose from this summer. Let me know what you have on your list!! In no particular order...

* Bringing Up Girls - Dr. James Dobson. FOR OBVIOUS REASONS :) Four years in the making Dr. Dobson finally comes out with the partner to Bringing Up Boys.

* The Mission-Minded Family - Ann Dunagan. Developing a mind-set of leadership, calling, & destiny as well as self-sacrifice and submission to God is important to us. I want to teach my kids these attributes by living them myself and implementing in our daily family life.

* The Hobbit - J.R.R. Tolkien. I read this in high school and would love to reacquaint myself with the story that precedes the Lord of the Rings. Especially since the movie will be coming out soon!

* How to Write & Illustrate Children's Books and Get Them Published. I've been weaseling through this for 5 years or so. I promise I'll finish it this summer!! I have so many ideas rolling around in my head and I don't want my illustrations to crash in technical faux pas.

* Eternity in Their Hearts - Don Richardson. Jon has been urging that I read this, and I think now is the time. It gives tons of stories about how the concept of the True God has existed for centuries in different cultures around the world. It's kind of the answer for the question of how someone who's never heard of Jesus can be saved.

* Mini-Skirts, Mothers, & Muslims - Christine Mallouhi. A book on how NOT to offend Muslim women :) A friend recommended it to me and it sounds intriguing, especially as we are getting closer to moving to Central Asia and living among Muslims.

* War & Peace - Leo Tolstoy. I'm sure I won't get anywhere near finished, but I want to keep a classic in the mix as much as I can. Here's to reading one chapter, falling asleep, and drooling all over Chapter Two.

Chocolate Truffle Moments

2010-04-13T19:41:00.000-07:00

I was cleaning out my studio space and came across what I thought was an old sketch book. It turned out to be my journal from my short time with the Peace Corps. One entry in particular caught my eye; I'll call it "Chocolate Truffle Moments." You will need a little background to understand my wording. I adore chocolate truffles and all their various layers, textures, colors, and flavors. I eat them very slowly. Probably way slower than you're meant to, as in, it probably takes me between 4 and 8 bites to polish one off. In other words, I savor them in all their delectable decadence. I let each morsel melt in my mouth, and focus on the flavors as it moves over my tongue. I even sit for a moment and continue to "taste" it even after I've swallowed it. Forgive me if this is too graphic, but I wanted you to get the full context of what I'm describing. I'm not just talking about an enjoyable experience. I would use bacon or lasagna for that analogy. I'm talking about a positively scrumptious and savory moment. For that, I must use the chocolate truffle in my imagery. So with that in mind, here is the entry beginning with a "Chocolate Truffle Moment" in Central Asia upon discovering the awesomeness that is a bucket bath in a sauna.

March 9, 2005 ...I found a new love. Showers are a barbaric thing of the past for me. Everything the shower implies is everything that I dislike: hurrying and wastefulness, and even besides that, there's no meaning in a shower besides getting clean. Let me tell you what God intended: bucket baths in a sauna. The smell of warm, wet cedar and a little bit of wood-burning smoke from the fire under the metal water bowl is sweet and relaxing. The water is as warm as you want it to be and there's no crowding. You want to sit down for a while? Go ahead, and don't worry about wasting water trying to keep warm, the whole room is warm! Spread out and shave your legs! And when you're done, dump the bucket over your head and let the steam roll off you. Leave the room in a billow of heat and feel fresher and cleaner than you ever have! It was a chocolate truffle moment for me. Then I though to myself, why can't all moments be chocolate truffle moments? When I was in the States, I surely didn't find my morning routine something to be enjoyed. But maybe this was what [Oswald] Chambers meant by changing the mundane. Why should ordinary events be downplayed? Why should they be precursors to the actual event? Can't they be an event in themselves? What am I doing? If it's not a truffle to me, I need to find a way to make it one. Do it differently...change my attitude...to find joy in the mundane and even in the fire. Life is a truffle and all the things that make life what it is.

I think this moment was doubly significant since up to this point, I hadn't washed my hair in over two weeks. NONE THE LESS. I am aware that as a mom, things get pretty mundane. Or at the very least, monotonous. But when did I stop being fascinated with my surroundings, enraptured with God's creation and the beauty of life? When did I stop...laughing? When did I stop taking in the breathless vistas of every corner turned? When did I stop relishing the moments past, savoring the moments present, and anticipating the moments to come? I have become BORING and BORED. I realize that as one approaches 30 and you find yourself married with two kids and car payments, you have to make room in your head for all that "responsible stuff." But golly-gosh-darnit, who let all the helium out of my balloons? Oh, it was me.

Well no more!! I am awakening to the fact that I don't have to just GET BY. I am completely allowing for those "survival" seasons, like those first months after having a baby, or the death of a loved one, or a big move. I know what it's like to repeat to myself, "Just survive today." But that is not and should not be the majority of my days. By God's grace I can live with passion again, and it's not because I'm expecting wild and crazy things to happen to me each day. It's because I'm resolving to appreciate, learn, and enjoy. (Just like the cute & tiny Brenda in this picture)

Be on the look out for more Chocolate Truffle Moments to come, and start taking notice of the not-so-mundane around you.

Brenda's Many Faces of the NFC Championship Game...

2010-01-24T20:18:00.001-08:00

As a tribute to my beloved Vikings...here is just a snapshot of the many faces I made during the game tonight.

"HOLD ONTO THE STINKING BALL ADRIAN PETERSON!!!!! YOU KNUCKLEHEAD!!!"

"OOOOO that HAD to hurt...don't break our fragile quarterback!"

"Hooray! We did something good!"

"But now we've done something very, very bad!"

"Are you serious...ANOTHER turn over?"

"A glimmer of hope?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOWCOULDYOUTHROWANINTERCEPTIONBRETTFAVRE I'M GONNA POOP ON YOUR PILLOW!!!"

"PASS INTERFERENCE AGAIN?! STOP IT DEFENSE! STOP IT!"

"We're gonna lose this game. And I don't like it. Not one bit."

"Good-bye Super Bowl"

I tip my hat to the 2009 Vikings, and will repeat my mantra for 2010: there's always next year. There's always next year.

New Adventures in the Life of Brenda #13: A Trip to Aldi's

2009-12-16T07:06:00.000-08:00

I noticed I had this post drafted but never published. So I finished it for your reading enjoyment. So, yeah...enjoy :)

After 3 days of scraping by without milk, bread, fruit, eggs, noodles, meat, or (most devastating) MAC N CHEESE, I finally wrote up a grocery list and committed myself to getting groceries no matter the cost. We were in Chanhassen for the morning & early afternoon visiting with family so I decided that when Abigail woke from her nap we'd leave and I'd pick up groceries on the way home. Thus begins my tale of woe.

It can be a long 20 minute drive back to Minneapolis from Chanhassen, especially if your baby decides to serenade you with her rendition of "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" (which is what I might assume a cat on a hot tin roof would sound like). It is excruciatingly slow if your baby is screaming as you creep along the Crosstown at a snail's pace in the midst of an endless snake of brake lights. As I inched through Edina passing exit after exit, I began to plan out alternate routes to Cub - anything to get off the highway. I got off on Penn and while waiting at the stop light, I had an epiphany. I looked to my right and there, in stately majesty, was a Lund's. I sighed. I knew I would probably spend ten to twenty bucks more by stopping here than at Cub, but Lund's was HERE and Cub was not. So I turned toward the overpriced (but at least they bag your groceries for you) grocery store. As I was driving toward it, I saw that just south of it was an Aldi's. Hmm, I thought, I've been meaning to check out an Aldi's and see what all the fuss is about. And by fuss, I mean my Aunt Marie lecturing me in her kitchen while she waved a green pepper and a paring knife around in my face. It was also the store we were told to recommend to the refugees when I volunteered with World Relief. So I pulled into the Aldi's parking lot and took in my first impression of the place. It looked smaller than I was expecting, and didn't look very organized. But that makes sense; organization and flashy signs cost money. This is one way to keep the costs down. So I unbuckled Abi and lifted Lucie's carseat out of the carrier and we walked to the store.

Oh, the carts are outside. I'm going to have to wear gloves to push this thing! It's freezing out here! I thought to myself as I plopped Lucie's bucket seat into the front basket. I pulled on the handle only to rattle and disturb my entire row of carts. It was then that I realized that the carts were locked together, and the only way to unlock your cart was to pay 25 cents. This might not seem like a big deal, but for someone who pays for every purchase with plastic (yes, even to buy stamps!) it's hard to find actual money in my wallet. In fact I could find no moneys in my wallet.

I unlatched Lucie from the basket and herded Abi back to the car. Thoughts ran through my mind of just packing them up and leaving, but I was here, I should at least dig through the car for a quarter. Lo and behold we found one under the driver's seat. Who's judging my messy car now?! I inserted my quarter, unlocked my cart, and took my brood inside where we were at least flooded with a wave of warmth.

Now whenever a person visits a new grocery store, they must allow time for the search. Because you're not going to know where anything is. But at least you usually know what you're watching for. Noodles = green Creamette boxes, Mac N Cheese = blue Kraft boxes, etc, or if you're into the generics, you'll at least know your Market Pantry box of spaghetti will be next to the green Creamette box. However, I was unaware that Aldi's brands were ALL ALDI'S BRANDS. There were no green or blue boxes to guide me. I had to read every. Single. Label. And there seemed to be no rhyme or reason to the layout of the store. Let's see, I'm looking for pork n beans. This aisle has mops, tortillas, hula hoops, canned soups, dish towels, and fruit juice in it. I guess it could be in this aisle...

Then it turned out that they didn't even have everything I needed! You mean I'm still going to have to go to Cub so I can get taco seasoning?! I was starting to get at tad peeved. I stood there in line, my peevishness in its infancy stages as I waited to check out. Then I noticed something. That lady just put all her food back in the cart after checking out. She's going to have a tough time getting all that food in and out of her car! I puzzled to myself. Then it hit me: there were no bags for the groceries.

WHAT KIND OF KANGAROO OUTFIT ARE THEY RUNNING HERE?!?!?!

Peevishness maturing...into adolescent stage...I searched for a logical explanation. Of course, well, it makes...sense...to cut cost a company should charge the consumer for ones bags...but it seems so...so...COMMUNIST.

Then it was my turn to check out. I lowered my pride and paid for 6 bags for my groceries. I have failed to mention that aiding in the escalation of my emotions was my infant who was probably cooked to medium-rare in her car seat (mostly red with anger) and my toddler who closed up shop on obedience for the day somewhere in the hand soap and cookie aisle. Who could blame them?! I had just spent an hour in the grocery store moving at a snail's pace at their cranky "I WANT DINNER!" hour.

But Aldi's wasn't done. There was one last surprise that they were holding out on. One final straw for this camel's back.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," the man said as he handed me back my Visa. "We don't take credit cards."

I stared at the man blankly. In a moment, my mind screamed, "You don't take credit cards? Where are we?! The Turkish Bazaar? Even booths at the State Fair let me use a credit card! Heck! I paid for Girl Scout cookies with plastic! You mean to tell me that a chain grocery store in the 21st Century does NOT take credit cards?!?!?!" But the moment passed and my face remained blank as my little heart surrendered, waving a tiny white flag before the cashier. Of course they wouldn't accept credit cards. Of course they wouldn't.

I almost dragged my children dejectedly out of the grocery store sans groceries after an hour of shopping, but then - AHA! I remembered. By a miracle of God and because of his supreme mercy (no joke, I would have melted into a pile of goo if God had not shown His mercy on me in that moment) I reached into my diaper bag and what should I find but a dust-covered, cobweb-filled check book. Do I ever carry my checkbook with me? Never. How did it get in my diaper bag? I'll never know. But it was there nonetheless, almost glowing with an aura of victory.

"What's the date today?" I asked the cashier with a look that said who has the upper hand now?!

I rolled my bought & paid for groceries out to my car, stuffed my little screamers into their car seats, returned the cart, got my quarter back and promptly stuffed it under my seat where it belonged. I looked up at the glowing sign and made a solemn oath: I will never shop at Aldi's again. Shaking my angry fist, I added just for emphasis: NEVAH!

An Innocent Prayer

2009-12-07T15:55:00.000-08:00

Abi prays before every meal and before bed. And she will often just stop playing and pray sometimes. One of those times occurred this evening as we were eating. She put her spoon down and folded her hands and said, "Mama, pray?" So I followed suit and she began. I'll just put a list of all the things and people she prayed for:

* dinner. plus the fact that she wanted more cranberries.
* Mama
* Daddy
* Lucie
* Abi's house
* Daddy's work and Daddy's school
* Uncle Tristan
* Aunt Michelle
* Uncle Brian
* Grandma
* Grandpa
* Uncle Jay
* Uncle Matt
* Aunt Julie
* Nana
* Papa
* Aryn
* Anna Joy
* Goat and
* Elmo Puppet (I think she prayed that no one would take Elmo Puppet)

Sorry if you didn't make the list!

Navitity Tradition

2009-12-01T08:19:00.000-08:00

My first Christmas at the Gill's, I noticed that my mother-in-law's nativity set had a few more participants than the usual baby Jesus, shepherds, wise men, and angels. As I looked I noticed that there were little figures from all over the world gathered around the manger. (Anyone who knows my in-laws knows that they are not the stay at home types, and they've been to countless countries.) Wooden figures from Russia, little dolls from Germany, a Maltese knight, a dainty Chinese girl, and I think even Bart Simpson showed up in the nativity that year.

Cynthia commented that every knee would one day bow to the King of Kings. I saw her nativity not as an event that transpired 2000 years ago, but as an event that is happening in the present and will happen again someday in the future. People from all over the world bring their honor to Christ as the shepherds did. People from all over the world bring gifts to Jesus as the wise men did. Like the "Little Drummer Boy" who had nothing to give but playing his drum for Jesus, I have nothing to give but my few talents and my life in service.

So now we collect little figurines from the corners of the earth to represent the peoples who honor and WILL honor our Lord Jesus Christ with us. I can't wait to show Abigail all the countries represented in our Nativity and explain how people all over the world love Jesus!

(As a side note, I wanted this particular image in my post. I remembered it was called "Adoration of the Magi" by Fabriano. I'm pretty pumped that I was able to recall something from my Art History major...)

Abigail: The Two Year Old!

2009-11-24T07:00:00.001-08:00

So I realize with much weeping that I neglected to post anything on or about Abigail's second birthday 3 months ago. She turned 2 on August 11! To say I was a little distracted would be an understatement; afterall, Lucie was born 2 weeks later. But without further ado, I give you Abi: The Two Year Old! She was 27 lbs 9 oz (59th percentile) and 35 inches (75th percentile and nearly 3 feet!) at her birthday.We celebrated her birthday barbecue at Lake Ann in Chanhassen :) We went swimming down at the lake to begin with, but we don't have any pictures of that. Mostly because I was 38 weeks pregnant and wearing a swim suit.
Abi had a delicious ice cream cake (which I had the pleasure of polishing off during the following week. I'm still paying for it...)

Nana & Papa Gill, Grandpa & Grandma Westerbur, Uncle Brian, and Great-Grandpa (Papapa) and Great-Grandma Miller were all there, as well as Mom & Dad.

Abi was so blessed by her family who gave her so many clothes and toys! She LOVED opening her presents. When the evening was over, she hugged each family member and told them "Thank you." (I don't know what we're doing in this picture, but boy, I was GREAT with child!)

Abi is so bright! She can name all her colors, count to 12 (after that she names 15, 16, 17, 19, 12), recognizes and names all her letters A - Z, and knows a few shapes (including the octagon. Thanks Sesame Street!)
Some of her favorite activities include having tea parties (with real tea - she's kind of a tea snob!), doing puzzles, coloring, going for walks in her stroller, jumping in leaf piles and puddles, going to the library and reading books (she probably "reads" at least 10 books a day), watching Veggietales and Sesame Street, cutting shapes out of Play-Doh, playing dress-up, putting mommy and daddy "to bed," and treating her stuffed animals and doll like babies.
She isn't very good at cleaning up her toys, but we're working on that. It's hard to properly teach something that the parents aren't very good at either! But she can open and close doors for us, put on her own shoes and socks (usually on the correct feet even!), turn the lights on and off, wash her own hands, climb & descend 3 flights of stairs by herself daily without ever complaining, put groceries in the cart, put her milk in the fridge after a meal, place her dirty dishes in the sink, and properly work her CD/cassette player (including flipping the cassette tape over when it's finished with a side).
She loves to sing songs! She can sing the Winnie the Pooh song from start to finish without any prompts. We sing lots of other songs together. She can retell many of her books almost word for word. She's kind of an introvert; when she's in a big group of people, she tends to find a quiet corner and plays by herself. Of course this could also just be her getting through her stranger anxiety and only child syndrome. She still sucks her thumb and carries around her favorite lovey, the billy goat. And she's generally pretty calm, polite, and pleasant!
I could just go on and on about my dear Abigail! She is just the sunny part of my day. She is learning so many new things so quickly, I can't believe it. She's even starting to make some jokes! It's so amazing to see her personality beginning to take shape! She is so administrative and also a perfectionist. I love her dearly and can't wait to see what God has in store for her!

To My Daughters: How I Met Your Father, A Novella

2009-10-15T15:01:00.000-07:00

To My Daughters: How I Met Your Father

On this the 6^th anniversary of the day I met your father, I decided it would be a good idea to write down the details of the weekend that God used to introduce us to each other. I hope you are encouraged by how God rewards those who choose Him above all else, and that you will choose to keep your standards high when you start looking for love.

Our story starts a few months prior. It has to start here because I had to go through a heart change before I was ready to meet your dad. I had been living in rebellion against God. Now, anyone who was looking at me on the outside would scoff at these words. I was in college, but I didn't take up smoking or drinking or partying or sleeping around. In fact, I was an honor student, double-major, going to Bible study and church (almost) every Sunday, and doing my best to live as a Christian should live. But children, let me make something clear: rebellion is a condition of the heart. It might not always be proven by actions, although the motivations behind the actions are usually corrupt if you have a rebellious heart. Which I had. In college you're forced to start thinking about your future, what you want, and who you want to be. When you belong to Jesus, He doesn't want His to be just another opinion to consider. He knows what is best for us; He knows what we need. The plans He has for us will not only give us ultimate joy, but they will also bring glory and honor to His name. At any rate, I was not really seeking to know what His will for my life was. I was “following my heart.” This may sound noble, but following your heart more often than not leads to dissatisfaction, disappointment, and heartache because we are all easily distracted. I had decided I wanted to pursue the kind of lives my friends were all pursuing: a career that utilizes my vast array of talent, a husband who'll love me, kids who'll adore me, a house in the 'burbs – the American Dream. This life is not a bad thing, but it was also not for me. I didn't know that because I didn't ask. I tried going after it starting with dating a guy who would be a great partner for that life. We dated for 2 years, which means I spent 2 years pursuing my own goals while looking away from God. But God didn't look away from me. He wanted me completely, not just the little crumbs of me I was giving him. In fact, whenever I would try to pray and “be real” with God, He would always interrupt me and ask if we could talk about this guy and the choices I was making. And every time He'd say that I would sigh impatiently, and ask God if we could just get over that and move on. Then there'd be silence. He would remove his presence. Girls, there is little in this world more chilling than feeling the presence of God move away from you because you blew him off. Those were my loneliest years. Finally in the spring of 2003, I knew in my heart that I had to “choose that day whom I would serve:” myself or God. God, I'm unhappy and lonely. I miss the closeness we used to share. Forgive my rebellion; I choose you. “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” I wanted His plans to rule my life and give me purpose, I wanted His hands to mold my character, and I wanted Him to be my matchmaker. It was pretty obvious to me that the guy I had chosen wasn't a good fit (for me or for him). We broke up; and it tore me up inside because despite everything, I had fallen in love with him. I had a lot of pain that needed healing. But I wasn't alone anymore. It was as if a veil had been lifted! God was there with me as I cried, like he was sitting right beside me giving me comfort. He had been waiting to draw me close, and now I was ready to run the race He had set before me!

Now that I've set the stage and given you a glimpse into the state of my heart, I can get into the good stuff! I don't think God can give us our partner until we've come to that place in our lives where we totally and completely surrender our plans to Him. And even then, your spouse might not be ready yet. This story is about how God blessed your father and me by making us ready at the same time, at the same moment, essentially.

After repenting of my rebellion and submitting myself to God, I was on fire. There was nothing He could say that I wouldn't do, nothing He could teach that I wouldn't drink up. That fall began my final year at Gustavus and I was involved with a campus Bible study called Prepare Ministries. They were affiliated with a program called Niko, a five-day wilderness experience that challenges you mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I was able to work it out in my schedule to go; I was pretty excited. My friends all had great things to say about it. Now, I had made a pact with myself that I wasn't going to flirt that weekend. Too many times in the past I had used Christian retreats as an excuse to chum up with a cute guy. Guys were the last thing on my mind. I was totally geared up to hear what the Lord wanted to say to me.

I arrived at City Hill Fellowship with all my gear: sleeping bag, warm weather clothes, hiking boots, Nalgene bottle, etc, and I loaded it onto the bus. I didn't really know anyone, so I started off introducing myself to a few people. I won't say where we arrived or what we did once we arrived (the inner workings of Niko, though on hiatus, is kept somewhat secret so you don't know what to expect) but I will say I loved soaking in the presence of the Lord during worship and the “mini sermons.”

That first night was long and cold, I didn't get much sleep, and we were up early the next morning to do a run. I ran my fastest and hardest; I was determined to make the most out of every opportunity on this weekend and to be the best I could be. It turned out I was the second girl to finish (behind my friend Jessica I think...). I wanted to wait around at the finish line for some other girls to walk back to the campfire with, but there were none in sight, so I decided to walk back with the group that had finished before me. There was one guy in the group whom I found attractive, but I instantly checked myself. No flirting, Brenda! Besides, guys that good looking are for sure already taken. He was talking to Kevin, a friend of mine, about returning from Iraq not too long ago. That caught my attention. A veteran? Dad is a veteran. I wonder how he feels about the war as a Christian... I caught up to him and introduced myself. During the walk back to the campfire I learned his name was Jon, he was a Marine and a recent veteran, he was in a Ska band back during the Ska craze, he juggled, sang, played the guitar & trumpet, wrote poetry and he loved camping and the outdoors. By the time we reached the campfire I had this weird feeling in my stomach. We had a lot in common, but I chose to ignore it. I was going to focus on God this weekend, and I wasn't going to let my emotions get in the way.

When everyone arrived back at the fire, we were asked to be seated for the next talk. I sat where I could see the speaker clearly. She spoke of surrendering everything in life to God: your future, your career, your relationships, your desires, your everything. She challenged us to take a few minutes and really seek God. “Ask Him to reveal something in your life that you need to surrender to Him. Then come back to the fire with something to symbolize what you're surrendering. Then we'll throw those things in the fire.” We all dispersed to find lonely spots where we could think and pray. As I sat down in a patch of tall grass, I was almost smiling. I couldn't think of a thing that I needed to surrender! “God, I've given up my future to you and I gave up this relationship that meant so much to me because I knew I wasn't surrendered to you. Is there ANYthing that I am holding back?” I asked, fully expecting God's answer to be, “No, Brenda, you are holding nothing back from me, you're doing AWESOME!” But instead, the Lord lowered the boom. “Brenda, since you broke up with that guy, you've been expecting to be blessed for that sacrifice. You're expecting me to bless you with a great husband and family. Well, what would you say if I didn't give you a husband? Would you still choose me if it were just you and me for the rest of your life?” I'm not joking. Those were the very words God spoke to my heart that day in October. It was like the wind was knocked out of me. But even as I felt those words spoken to me, I knew my answer. There was no doubt in me as I answered, “Of course, God. I remember what it was like to not have you near me. And I can't ever live like that again. I need you more than anything.” So that was it. God wanted me to surrender my desire to be a wife and a mother to Him. “God you are in control. I trust you to do what's best for me.” I opened up my Bible and the page it opened to held half a dozen rose petals. Petals from roses given to me from my ex-boyfriend. As I walked back to the campfire, I held the petals in my hand. The speaker asked if anyone wanted to share what they were surrendering to God. I knew I had to share, and I told the group what had just transpired in my heart. I was surrendering my desire to be a wife and mom. “These petals are from the only flowers I ever received from a guy. They're my symbol of what I'm surrendering.” I let them flitter into the fire. As the group applauded my decision, I sat down. The man sitting next to me nudged my arm. He had tears in his eyes as he said, “I just surrendered the same thing,” and showed me a stick with the words “I DO” carved on it, his written promise to God. That man turned out to be Jon.

It turns out he was one of the staff members assigned to my team. We had lots of opportunities to talk and get to know each other as the days rolled by. It was rapidly becoming apparent that we were going to be fast friends; we just seemed to click! It was also becoming apparent that I was falling for him. This greatly confused me because it seemed I had taken great pains to avoid this kind of situation. The more I learned about him, the stranger I felt. It was as if someone had taken my “list” of dream qualities in a man and put them all together into one amazing guy, and then thought of a few extras that I forgot to include. God what is this? I JUST surrendered to you my desire to be in love. Now you introduce me to Jon, who apparently is the man of my dreams. What am I supposed to do? I didn't get a definitive answer, but I could almost feel God smiling at me.

I dared not read too much into what was happening. Who knew if I would even see him again after this weekend? But as Niko was wrapping up Jon asked if he could sit with me on the bus on the way back to civilization. Sure, I agreed. I remember feeling really nervous all of a sudden. Like I was back in elementary school and the boy I had a crush on chose to sit by me on the way to the field trip. Okay, so that NEVER happened. Maybe that's why I was so nervous! “Smile!” my friend Jessica pops up from behind a seat and snapped a picture of us. At least now when I go home, I'll have proof that this guy truly existed, I thought to myself. “What are you involved in at Gustavus?” Jon asked at one point on the drive home. “I'm really getting into a Bible study there called Prepare. They meet on Thursday nights. Have you heard of it? I think they meet at the U of M, too,” I answered. “Yeah! Actually, I've been meaning to get involved with them, but they meet on Wednesdays and I have church Wednesday nights. Maybe I can meet with your group at Gustavus on Thursdays,” he mused. Butterflies in my stomach!! We were beginning to get close to the Cities; Jon asked if I had some paper. I handed him a little notebook and he began writing. Just before we reached the church he handed me a note. It read:

Brenda, I am truly blessed and amazed at what a beautiful spirit you have. I find plenty of people that have gone through relationships in much the same way that I have struggled through mine, but rarely do I find a truly kindred spirit. I must tell you that a heart for the Lord, a passion for worship, and a reckless abandon for His will are the absolute most attractive qualities in a woman to a true man of God. Settle for nothing less than those things and you will (if it is the Lord's will) be rewarded with nothing less than a true man of God. I love your fragrance, and the odor of God's magnificence about you! Put it on every day. Your sweetness (and your spice) was put there first for God's pleasure. He just lets some of us enjoy it at times, too. And I'm glad he does. I hope that we can continue to encourage each other in our spirits and souls! The last time I met someone as much like me as you are, we were best friends for four years (but we'll let God figure that future out). It is a privilege to be your brother in our marvelous Lord Jesus. Agape, Jon

As I read that note, I fought to hold back tears. He understands me. He really, really understands what makes me tick. I knew I'd never be the same. And just like that, I was in love.

Epilogue: A few weeks later my friend Jessica handed me the picture she took of Jon and I sitting together on the bus. It was rather cute: I had a nervous, cheesy grin and Jon was making a goofy face. Jess smiled as I took the picture and said to me, “You know Brenda, as I took that picture, I got a little vision of you two. You were kissing at the altar.”

Like Jon said in his note, “We'll let God figure this future out.”

Our Other Adorable Daughter

2009-09-17T11:38:00.000-07:00

We've been going on and on about Lucie and how amazing she is; we have another adorable daughter! And she's still doing adorable things :) Here's a couple stories for your daily Abi-fix!

* Abi was looking out the window one morning and told me, "Moon has jammies on." Wha...? The moon is wearing pajamas? "Sun is awake, moon sleeeeeeeping," she continued. OOOOH! No wonder he has his jammies on! I guess I have an abstract thinker on my hands :)

* Abi was reading her book of numbers. When she got to 10 she stopped. "Is that ten?" Jon coaxed her. "No! Is one-oh!" she said. "Look Daddy!" She turned the book around so he could see. "See, is one-ooooh! Silly daddy!"

Baby of Mine

2009-09-12T18:25:00.001-07:00

No matter how I prepare myself, the scene in Dumbo where the baby elephant goes to visit his mommy in the cage and she swings him on her trunk makes me sob! Especially with the lullaby she sings to him. Here it is for all you softies...

Baby mine, don't you cry
Baby mine, dry your eyes
Rest your head close to my heart
Never to part, baby of mine

Little one when you play
Don't you mind what you say
Let those eyes sparkle and shine
Never a tear, baby of mine

If they knew sweet little you
They'd end up loving you too
All those same people who scold you
What they'd give just for
The right to hold you

From your head to your toes
You're not much, goodness knows
But you're so precious to me

Cute as can be, baby of mine

My Grace is Sufficient for You

2009-09-04T12:28:00.000-07:00

Jon and I were talking after church one day about grace. He was thinking about the semester to come: working at the restaurant 20-25 hours a week, teaching 20 hours a week, class 20 hours a week, plus homework. He knew this would be challenging. His credit load would be more than any other semester of grad school and he would have a newborn wailing, I mean waiting for him when he got home. (I'm tired just thinking of it!) And that's the point: Jon can't do it in his own strength. When times like this come along, we SHOULD lift our heads and boast in our own weakness as Paul tells us to do in 2 Corinthians, "But [the Lord] said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." God refines us during these times, and he increases His grace to us. Merriam-Webster calls grace "unmerited divine assistance" and also compares it with approval, favor, & mercy. For Jon, grace might come as a shot of renewed focus and creativity while he's doing homework in the wee hours of the morning. It might come as supernatural rest during the few hours of sleep he gets each night. Grace might come in the form of a well-timed hug from his daughter, a delicious supper from his wife, an encouraging coo from his baby, or a pat on the back by his boss. Or maybe grace will be present in just enough strength to make it through another day.

We both found it strange how we usually look at challenges or "hard times" with sorrow, dread, or worry. We go through these times with the face of a martyr telling our peers, "well, God knows what he's doing, and we'll get through it...somehow..." Maybe we should rend our garments and pour ashes on our heads, too! If we know the furnace is for our refinement, we should meet it with rejoicing - we are being made more like Christ!

CONSIDER IT PURE JOY MY BROTHERS WHEN YOU FACE TRIALS OF MANY KINDS, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be MATURE AND COMPLETE, not lacking anything. ~James 1:2-4

My challenge has come in the form of a tiny little baby :-) I was certainly excited for her to come, but as we all tend to do, I was dreading the furnace, the fire, the challenge of change. What does the furnace do? It burns us. Specifically it burns away our fleshly desires and selfishness. It hurts and it's no fun. When Lucie decides she doesn't want to sleep at 2:30 in the morning, I have to battle my fleshly desire to sleep and use this time to train and teach her how to sleep. Why was I dreading this? Yes it sucks to not sleep, but I know in my heart that perseverance must finish its work! And finish it will, since God promises that He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion (Phil 1:6). God's grace is abounding in me at this time. Shouldn't I rejoice? I think I'm beginning to get it. Consider it pure Joy...for His grace is sufficient for me! Praise God!!

Meet Lucie Ferghana Gill!!

2009-08-24T12:55:00.000-07:00

Here's our little Lulu princess! Her name is Lucie Ferghana Gill. Lucie means "light" and Ferghana is the ancient name of the valley in Central Asia where we feel called to live and work. The two names are related; Lucie is a light in the darkness and Ferghana is a fertile oasis in the desert. Both bring life. Let me tell you the story of how she came to join the Gill family (already in progress).

I was really, REALLY hoping she would be born sometime last week; I was sore and tired of being pregnant. But I didn't have reason to complain, because my due date wasn't even until Sunday, August 23. But I was having trouble with my attitude. I kept praying that God would give me patience and endurance. I looked up every verse in the Bible about those two attributes and closed my heart around one that everyone is familiar with: Love is Patient. I went to church Saturday night and we sang a song that both Jon and I knew God had sent for us. One of the verses talked about "light in the darkness" (Lucie!) and "the coming dawn." The chorus proclaimed that "Joy comes in the morning." I was trying not to get my hopes up, but both Jon and I knew independantly that our little girl was coming in the morning :) We got home and went to bed. As I was laying there I decided to use the time I had left being pregnant to focus on Abi and have special mommy/daughter time. It's okay God, I said in my heart. I'm finally at peace. Bring the baby in your time.

Fifteen minutes later, my water broke!

The contractions didn't start right away, but I called the after-hours nurseline anyway, to let them know that I'd be coming in later. I was all excited - this is the day I'll meet my little girl! But after going through 2 1/2 days of labor with Abigail, I knew I needed all the rest I could get. So I stuffed my excitement into my toes and tried to get some sleep. Around 1 am I woke up; the contractions had started. They were close together, but short and not very strong. The midwife on the phone advised me to wait until I had gone through about an hour of longer contractions that "you really have to breathe through." Those started around 2:45. Jon woke up around 3 when he realized that I wasn't snoring, but having really strong contractions. (haha) I advised him to get the rest of the bag packed, the list is on the fridge. He pulled on some shorts. "Where's the list with the rest of the stuff that needs to be packed?" He asked me as if I hadn't said anything just five seconds ago. "On the fridge," I answered in the midst of a contraction. He came back with the list and some of the items on it. "Camera," he muttered looking at the list and leaving the room. "Jon," I call him back and point to the camera hanging on the door. "Oh, right," he responded. Afterall, it is only 3 am and he hasn't had coffee :)

Things began moving along more quickly after that. I called the midwife again and told her we were on our way. Jon navigated the construction on 35W through the dewy morning fog like an expert even while I was breathing and fogging up the inside of the windows :) After we meandered through the construction of our hospital (taking two elevators and following the "yellow tape" for a quarter of a mile) we finally arrived on the labor and delivery floor! I was so happy to see the nurse greet me by name and show me into a room where everything was set up and ready for me! I almost cried when I saw the baby warmer all set up with blankets and little diapers - SHE'S COMING SOON!!!!

The midwife, Michelle, checked me out and informed me I was 6-7 cm dilated and 100 % effaced. Oooh, I thought. I have a ways to go, and the contractions were already pretty intense. After one of my contractions I informed Michelle that "they hurt like the dickens." She gave me liberty to use stronger language. I thought "the dickens" was stronger language. I was hoping to go through this naturally like I did with Abi, but now I wasn't so sure. But Michelle started the tub and I thought, okay, we'll try the tub first. IT FELT SO GOOD. I stayed in there for an hour while Jon sprayed my belly :) When I got out I informed Karen the nurse that I was ready for an epidural (since I was starting to claw at the tub like a cat). But then the midwife informed me it was too late, I was at 9 1/2 cm. A couple more contractions and I'd be ready to push! I prayed outloud, "God I need you! Jesus please help me!!!" And He did! Eleven minutes of pushing later, my 'little' girl corkscrewed her way out and wailed with the rising sun. She was born at 6:06 am, weighed 9 lbs 8 oz and was 21 1/2 inches long. My joy had come in the morning :)

Anyway, we're both doing great; she's got lots and lots of cute rolly chubs and curly dark hair. She has Jon's thighs and crooked toes. She looks very different from Abi, except her mouth. We thought she looked a lot like my dad. Lots of Westerbur. Westerburs have big cheeks and squinty eyes, but so do all newborns ;) We'll see if that sticks around.

Transforming Mommy-saurus

2009-08-06T12:27:00.000-07:00

2:30 a.m.

I am reminded that I am 38 weeks pregnant when I try to turn over in bed and can't. Parched, I force myself onto all fours, slither off the bed, and clumsily make my way through the dark into the bathroom to get a drink.

4:15 a.m.

I am reminded that I am 38 weeks pregnant when I bolt out of bed with sudden urgency for the bathroom, then double over in pain as my ligaments protest against said "bolt." All the adrenaline must have scared LuLu who gets a case of the hiccups. Hiccups persist until after 5 a.m. Mommy doesn't sleep.

7:00 a.m.

Alarm goes off. Decision time. Abigail will be awake in a half hour. Do I wake up and have my quiet time and breakfast in peace or snag an extra half hour of sleep that I missed during the night? I turn the alarm off and close my eyes. Apparently I've made my decision.

7:21 a.m.

My dream of praying with the apostle Peter is interrupted by my mommy senses kicking into gear. Someone is watching me. I open my eyes to see Baby Einstein hair floating above a large armload of stuffed animals and blue eyes peering just above the edge of my bed. "Mommy wake!" Abi squeals with glee and throws her animals to the ground. She reaches for my hand dangling over the edge of the bed and lifts it up, her way of helping me to get into a sitting position.

I'm so.......t...i.......r..............e....................d.

Am I in a good mood? I ask myself. I can be, I guess. I waddle out of the bedroom and stop short as we enter the living room. TOYS EVERYWHERE. I glance at the kitchen. DISHES EVERYWHERE. I didn't clean before I went to bed last night. Suddenly, I am NOT in a good mood. I need a good 15 minutes to regroup. Some mommy alone time. But Abi is hungry. I attempt to think quickly. If I give Abi a waffle she will finish it in 5 minutes. If I give her cereal, she'll pick at it for ages, giving me more time.
"Abi, do you want Kix or Cheerios?" I ask her.
"No cereo. Waffa bwekass!" Hmm. Waffle breakfast.
"No Abi, Kix or Cheerios."
"NO CEREO!" she screws up her face in protest. I don't blame her. I know I'm being unreasonable. She ambles to a pile of books and begins picking through them. Maybe we'll just forego breakfast for a while. Maybe she'll read to herself. I bend over to pick up some toys and am reminded I am 38 weeks pregnant when I can't reach the floor. I'm starting to get sick of being pregnant. I pick up the toy I was reaching for with my toes and transfer it to my hand. Abi brings me a book. "Book? Book?" she asks sweetly.
"No book. Mommy isn't going to read this morning." What kind of meanie am I?
"Mama, book! Book! BOOOOOOOOOK!"
"No Abi." I take the book she's handing me and put it on the shelf. Of course she starts stamping her feet and whining. With my eyes only half-opened I take her hand and lead her to her bedroom. I just can't deal right now. I know I have to put her somewhere safe before Mommy-saurus eats her for breakfast. I put her on her bed and shut the door. I silently thank God that I had trained her to stay in her bed when she's put there. I begin a rampage through the apartment like a giant mama ape, picking everything up off the floor with my feet and flinging them into their respective homes. I start crying, feeling crappy, knowing I'm "exasperating my children" and finding it hard to change my attitude about the day. Just as I am about to go wake up Jon and ask for help, I hear him fumbling down the hallway. He finds me and hugs me. Oh that is sooooooooooooooooo what I need. I cry and cry. The past few days have been building up to this moment. I just need a break, but I can't seem to get one. I'm merely at the end of my rope.

I make my breakfast and sit down. At least the toys are picked up now. I read a bit from Philippians: "he who began a good work in you WILL CARRY IT ON TO COMPLETION UNTIL THE DAY OF CHRIST." I'm just a work in progress, no need to get flustered that I'm not perfect. I go retrieve Abi from her room and she finds another book and brings it to me: Dr. Seuss's "I Am NOT Going to Get up Today!" Jon laughs hysterically. I can't help but crack a grin. This is God being ironic and trying to cheer me up. "I sincerely need you today, God," I pray.

I come to the realization that a half hour of sleep is not more important than sanity and a chance to connect with God in the morning. I need that time of peace in order to fill up on the Prince of Peace and reflect that peace the rest of the day. Sleep is seriously overrated. In order to avoid mommy-saurus in the future, I need determine my attitude and not let it be swayed by circumstance. Even if in the future I don't get my half hour of peace, God's graces are new every morning, specific for each day. I just have to choose to take it.

Twin Cities Ice Cream Delights!

2009-07-03T09:58:00.000-07:00

So I found a kind of outdated list of some of the best ice cream shoppes in the twin cities in the Best of Minnesota magazine. It was a list of 11, and of those I had been to 4. Maybe some of you can tell me how the others are and I'll decide which to visit next! Also, feel free to add one to the list! These are in no particular order...

1. Luxury Sweets Gelatoria - Apple Valley
This one we tried to visit after the zoo yesterday, but we found out it must have succumbed to the economic crisis, as it had shut its doors. This greatly vexes us, because we fell in love with gelato while we were in Italy (we spent almost all of our souvenir money on gelato!) and haven't found it in the TC yet. Any tips???

2. Licks Unlimited - Excelsior
This is a fun, small-town ice cream parlor located right on the water front. Lots of homemade flavors to choose from. Plus it has a big mural of a mouth with a giant tongue on the side of the building! I've only been there a few times, but I liked it!

3. Sebastian Joe's - Minneapolis
This one sounds familiar, like I know people who have been there. Recommendations?

4. Crema Cafe - Minneapolis
Haven't taste-tested this one myself, but I'm always willing to try new ice creams :)

5. Adele's - Excelsior
Here's another one on the waterfront of Lake Minnetonka. I like the atmosphere of this one better than Lick's - you have lots of pretty scenery and lots of delicious flavors to choose from!

6. Edina Creamery - Edina, Minnetonka
I know one of these is on 50th and France. Not too far from me. Maybe I'll have to go visit!

7. Grand Ole Creamery - Minneapolis
This was pretty yummy! As the name suggests, it's very creamy! Plus it's right on Minnehaha Pkwy so you can enjoy a scenic drive as you lick your cone!

8. Glacier's Custard - Wayzata
If it's in Wayzata, it has to be a very "rich" custard, right? Oh hahahaha! I'm so funny!

9. Izzy's Ice Cream - Saint Paul
Never heard of this one. Anyone been there?

10. Pumphouse Creamery - Minneapolis
Another one I haven't heard of. Sounds good though!

11. Liberty Custard - Minneapolis
Ok. So I live right across the street from this one and it's my favorite. They remodeled an old garage 50s-style and their custard is super good! I eat there way too often!

There's the list! Feel free to add your own! (Chain ice cream doesn't count, by the way, i.e. Dairy Queen or Culver's)

Englebert Shahoof Gill

2009-05-13T13:45:00.000-07:00

Here's a look at our second little girl :) After 3 ultrasounds (a fourth tomorrow before we leave on our trip) we've determined that everything is finally normal and that she is, most certainly, a girl! I didn't post the very telling picture, but you can see it on Facebook if you want. In the first picture you can see the profile of her head, her little nose, and her little lips! So perfect! In the second "4-D" picture, her arms are crossed in front of her face, but you can see her little nose and mouth sticking out from under her hands.

I obtained a copy of my prenatal records to take with us on our trip to Central Asia. Reading through them was a riot! Apparently her lung parenchyma has normal echogenicity! Who knew?! My favorite was reading about my own physical exam at the beginning of pregnancy. When commenting on the shape of my pelvis, they said, "Tested to 8 lbs 11 oz." That's right. That was Abi's birth weight. I like how it was "tested" for that weight, like a bridge might be tested up to 10 tons. haha! But the best line of the physical exam was under the General portion: "Pleasant pregnant female, alert, cooperative and well-groomed."

WELL GROOMED! Indeed, I am.

Elmo and Jesus: A Morning of Learning

2009-05-08T18:04:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago I needed to get some chores done so I flipped on Sesame Street and for the first time, Abi sat and watched the whole thing. Little did I know this would begin her strange love affair with Elmo the little red monster. I want to take this opportunity to say that I didn't push Elmo on her or try to entice her into liking Elmo in any way. It was of her own initiative. As my friend Danielle says, "Elmo is like crack for toddlers." Ever since then we watch Sesame Street most mornings. This past Thursday (besides watching NBC's Brian Williams wear a clip-on tie and eat Oscar the Grouch's anchovy icecream sundae) we watched the number of the day be introduced: the number 20. This particular day they had these little dancing masked-figures slowly wiggle across the screen, each one wearing and saying a number. Jon and I looked at each other. Were they going to go ALL the way to 20? This would take a while.
"ONE!" wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle
"TWO!" wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle
"THREE!" "TREE!" yelled Abi. I laughed! She copied them!
"FOUR!" "FOE!" this time Abi started wiggling with them. And she repeated most of the numbers after them! The teens were the funnest.
"SIXTEEN!" "SIS-TEE!" wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle (Abi twirls and wiggles in circles)
"SEVENTEEN!" "SEH-TEE!"

At this point I started to tear up. She was learning! As a woman with a teacher's heart, this was just a miracle to watch. My own child learning to count! I was so proud! But this would be nothing compared to what would happen next.

Elmo's World came on near the end of Sesame Street and Abi was pretty much entertained, so I sat in my "praying chair" to pray. I started praying quietly to myself and Abi looked over at me and immediately toddled over with her hands clasped and asked me, "May-men?" which is Abi's word for "Amen." She was asking me if I was praying. I said, "Yes, mommy is praying." She reached her arms up at me and said, "Up? Up?" So I lifted her up on my lap and she turned away from the TV, folded her hands and bowed her head. I continued praying - I just happened to be praying for Abi. She sat quietly until I finished and then she repeated my Amen, "May-men" and slid off my lap to continue to watch Elmo. Then I started to pray for Jon. As I began to pray for him quietly, Abi once again toddled her way over and asked me again, "May-men?"
"Yes, mommy is praying again."
"Up? Mama, up?"
So I lifted her up and she once again folded her hands and bowed her head. But this time as I started to pray quietly, she started to speak softly along with me, her hands folded. And though I never told her I was praying for her daddy, I could tell she was nonetheless. Her prayer sounded something like this:

"bah-bee-zho-nay-lee Daddy mah-tay-oh bah-bah see-mamoh Daddy tay-wah."

My tears were streaming down my cheeks as she prayed in my arms. She didn't notice when Elmo started waving bye-bye from the TV. When I finished and I said, "Amen," she repeated "May-men," and slid off my lap. I cried as I realized the most important lessons she could ever learn in life she was learning right along with her ABC's and 123's.

NEW Adventures in the Life of Brenda #12: Realizing My Dream

2009-05-03T19:11:00.000-07:00

I was driving home from church last week and we were stopped at a stop light. I looked in the rear-view mirror and this is what I saw:

My beautiful daughter sleeping in her carseat. My heart swelled. I could hardly hold in all the love! I realized I was living my dream - I'm a mother! Happy Mother's Day to me!!

The Greatest Place on Earth...

2009-04-15T11:09:00.000-07:00

THE CHILDREN'S MUSEUM!

We took a trip as a family during Jon's spring break to the Children's Museum in Saint Paul. We had a GREAT time! Next year, we might invest in a membership. We left early in the morning with very detailed directions of how to get to the parking ramp near the CM. We had also printed off directions of how to get back onto I-94. We always get hopelessly lost in Saint Paul.

We started in the "World Works" section of the building, where kids can put on light shows, play with water, and manipulate kid-friendly machinery like pulleys and conveyor belts. It was like a basic introduction to physics. Abigail was most fascinated with the water. Maybe it was because we started with it and she was getting tired by the time we got to the later exhibits, but she loved splashing in the water! She's always loved baths, and her newest thing is staking out the bathroom waiting for someone to walk by so she can pester them until they lift her up to "wash her hands." Jon loved to show Abi how things worked and he gave her confidence to try new things on her own. (It takes a little prompting to get Abi to be independent.)

Next we visited the "Our World" exhibit which featured a mini city bus, a restaurant, a grocery store, a post office, and other places in our community for the kids to role play in. This area was a little too old for Abigail, but she did enjoy putting things in her grocery cart! She pushed it around and around until she got stuck in a corner and couldn't figure out where to go from there :)

From there we went to "Habitot" which was like a big indoor toddler-sized activity gym! There were two levels and several areas that were broken into different animal habitats. A woodsy area that included a swinging bridge (which scared Abi at first, but she got the "swing" of it!), a cave area which included crawl spaces and a cave with fossils in it to touch, a frozen tundra area where you could stand on a frozen pond and look at the fish under your feet and build with igloo blocks (Abi mostly liked looking out the window), a prairie section with rolling hills to try to walk up and down, and a lake area (where babies lay around and look at the fuzzy cat tails!) It was here that Abi started to get a little tired. But we helped her out the best we could, and she did enjoy the slides and she even climbed a rope ladder!

The last exhibit we visited was "Earth World." We will probably start here next time, because I think she will really enjoy this! There's a little creek with pretend amphibians to play with as well as an aquarium. There's a big ant hill maze that Jon went through with her and a tree house area where some of the workers will have real animals on display for the kids to see and touch. Abi got to touch a snake! Don't worry, we put some of the anti-bacterial goo on her afterwards!! We didn't get to stay at this exhibit long before Abi started to get cranky, so we made our way out the door for lunch.

We went across the street to Mickey's Diner (a historical landmark in Saint Paul, and if it's not it should be! It's a 50's diner/grille located in an old dining car.) Since it was Saint Patrick's Day, we got to watch a bunch of people walk by wearing funny clothes - including a very old man in a green suit & top hat and orange socks! They were making their way to the parade which we didn't get to see. We'd pressed Abi enough for one day...time for a nap!

Adventures in the Life of Abigail #2: I Discover Bubbles!

2009-04-15T10:55:00.000-07:00

Hi! It's Abi again! This year for Easter I wore a pretty dress and a bow and lacy socks and little white shoes that went klopp-klopp-klopp when I walked around. I was sooooo pretty! Nana Gill gave me an Easter basket with presents inside! Chocolate and Bubbles!! I really really really really like bubbles! Especially when they land on my face! Especially when they land in my mouth! Nana and Mommy took turns blowing the bubbles!

I just loved the bubbles so much!

Love Blossoms in the Snow

2009-03-11T09:57:00.000-07:00

Here's an update on our built-in love days in the winter! My birthday and Valentine's Day!

For my birthday, Jon took me out to Famous Dave's: my favorite restaurant. I love BBQ sauce!

This was our favorite sign. We will have one hanging in our home.

I ordered ribs - my favorite food!!

Stop looking at me, swan!!

Then we went ice skating at Centennial Lakes in Edina. Best ice skating ever! Cheap rentals and you skate on the lake with all the beautiful lights AND you're outside! The warming house has delicious cocoa and wood burning fire places, too!

Here's a view of only part of the lake. It's actually about 3 or 4 lakes all connected by canals, so you can skate all of them! And they're super smooth!

Jon shows me his amazing skills.

I pretend I'm awesome.

I'm coming to get you!!

Valentine's Day found us at a Persian restaurant called Shiraz just down the block from us on Nicollet Ave. We found their food to be very authentic and very affordable! AND VERY DELICIOUS!!!

Jon cuts into his kabob. Mmm...meat!! EAT MEAT! (In the foreground you can see a little bowl of Oliviya salad which I had eaten many times in Uzbekistan. It brought me right back!)

The decor was fabulous. Over our table hung a Persian rug, but each table and booth had a different Persian centerpiece to admire.

A belly dancer weaved through the tables all night. She was very graceful and talented.

Here's our dessert: Jon ordered icecream flavored with rose water, pistachio, and saffron. I had the bakhlava, a persian/turkish pastry with honey.

At some point during the night, a big group (like 30 or more!) of Iranians came in speaking Farsi. It was so neat to be eating amongst them as they sipped their tea and yogurt drink, embraced, and cheered on the belly dancer. Jon and I felt like we were in another country without the hassel of visas and expensive plane tickets! It was a wonderful Valentine's Day experience and we highly recommend the restaurant!

Random Funness at the Gill's

2009-02-23T13:55:00.000-08:00

We've had a few weeks, er, months of craziness here. We just were not able to get organized before Jon started his spring semester and we have been playing catch-up in every area of life, including blogging/picture uploading. Here is a sample of the funness that's been happening at the Gill house :)

Abi and I cuddle while I show her some of her baby pictures.

Jon blows belly bubbles, much to the delight of the "big sister."

Future Gustie???

What do you want mom? I'm busy brushing my teeth!

Those blue eyes...

One day, I walked into the living room to find that Abigail had dragged her tub out of the linen closet and was sitting in it like a boat.

We just love the snuggles.

Here we are getting ready for the pro-life rally at the University of Minnesota! Here's Abi's sign.

Sharing a snack on the floor

Abi as the Virgin Mary? Or maybe she's a shepherd?

At the Super Bowl party, Abi got a little friendly with some of the boys.

Abi, I should warn you...

More snuggles

She likes to wear every single article of clothing she can find.

Ok, I swear I didn't force her to do this. But as I was licking the envelopes for the New Year's letters, she started walking around licking things. So I let her help! Your letter may have been licked by Abigail!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Mamma is very sick. She stays on the couch all day. So I will give her some blankets to stay warm!

She's suddenly into chewing on the pacifiers she finds in the baby basket.

Let's color, Abi!!

Working hard...

Mamma, I didn't empty out my baggie of hair clips and bows, I promise!

Daddy/Daughter Moments...

2009-01-26T07:36:00.000-08:00

Story #1:
Abigail brought the book "Mommy and Me" to Jon one morning. Jon tried to hand the book off to me, saying, "This is a book about mommies and their babies. I can't read this to her." However, I was busy with something and thus tried to assure him, "Sure you can! Just change all the 'mommy' words to 'daddy' and the hers to his." Jon decided to give it a shot. He put Abigail in his lap and opened the book saying, "Daddy and Me."
"...Daddy duck and...his babies go for a swim."
I chuckled imagining the picture of a mama duck swimming with her ducklings. But Jon continued.
"Daddy giraffe snuggles with baby."
Jon then snuggled close to Abi. Aw!
"Daddy Cat feeds...his kittens. That's it! I can't read this anymore!" And he tossed the book at me. I looked at the picture that caused him to reject the 'renamed' book of Daddy and Me. Ah yes, a picture of a mama cat nursing her kittens isn't really reversible!

Story #2:
We've started closing and locking the bathroom door since Abi has figured out that doorknobs are the key to opening doors. She sometimes has luck in wiggling it open. This morning Jon had locked the door as he used the bathroom. Sure enough Abi toddled over to try to see what he was doing in there. She knocked and giggled. Jon sang, "hellooooo!" from the other side of the door. She giggled again and wiggled her fingers under the door. Jon laughed. Then Abi reached for the doorknob and gave it a wiggle. "Oh Abi, Daddy locked the door. I'm sorry!" Jon called from inside the bathroom. There was silence for a while as it seemed Abigail had given up. Suddenly Jon heard a metallic scraping sound on the doorknob. When he emerged from the bathroom he saw Abi standing there with a set of keys trying to unlock the bathroom door!

Now Announcing...!!!

2009-01-08T20:04:00.000-08:00

If you haven't heard from our families, our own lips, our churches, or Facebook (which is like telling the world) then it's time you heard that the Gills are expecting baby #2 at the end of August! As of today I am almost 9 weeks pregnant. Here's what our little baby looks like already! The baby is only an inch long but look how remarkable! I actually think this picture might be a few weeks further along than my baby right now. I think at 9 weeks babies still have "hand paddles" although the fingers are becoming more defined. But I'm still so amazed at the miracle that's happening that I can't control - it's not like I know how to make a baby! Truly, truly Psalm 139:13 has never meant more than now! "For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother's womb."

Be knit little one! Be knit!

Abikins the Toddler!

2009-01-01T19:27:00.000-08:00

Abigail is growing up so fast. It's been a while since I gave an Abi update, so here goes! She's about 16 1/2 months old and is growing like crazy. At her last appointment, she was still in the lower percentiles for weight, but tall for her age. Maybe she got some of those Miller genes. So I'm just going to start making a list of new things our big girl is doing these days:

* Suddenly she talks! She's started signing consistently for all done, more, please, and thank you. She even signs please and thank you without being prompted! This little one is going to be polite :) But she also speaks. As she signs for "all done" she says "da-daaaaaaa." Other words: baby, the goat (de-doh), moo (mmmm), woof (ffff), ROAR! (strange spitting sound), dada, mama, and more (moe).

* See this face in this picture? She makes this face when we point the camera at her. She gets all squinty-eyed :) We haven't decided if she does it because she's anticipating the flash, or if she's trying to smile like her mama (with our chubby cheeks!)

* She follows simple directions. I can tell her to put her socks in her drawer, feed her doll her bottle, bring mama a different book to read cuz we've read Good Dog Carl 6 times in a row, go get billy goat, put your milk on your high chair, or go get your shoes and she'll understand and usually do it with pleasure!

* She could be in the grumpiest mood, but if I even whisper the word, "bath" she lights up and runs for the bathroom with squeals of delight!

* Yet another funny face. This is the "I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!" face.

* She adores clothes, shoes, jewelry, hats, bows, and pretty things. Sometimes she'll wear 3 or 4 different pairs of shoes per day.

* She also loves music. She points at her boombox and signs "please." We turn on the radio or a cd and we dance, sing, and play with her instruments. She also sits through Uncle Brian's band concerts and claps along with the songs!

* She doesn't like dirty things. If the floor has some dirt on it or there is a spot on the couch, she points at it and whimpers. One time she even went and got a rag to clean it up with.

* For some strange reason, she thinks it's hilarious to get sprayed in the face with water. Seriously, take a spray bottle and squirt her in the face and she'll be back for more!

* She's very motherly. Anything cuddly, soft, or fluffy she will hug, kiss, carry around, and love. When she eats her meals, she puts billy goat on the chair next to the high chair to watch.

* Sometimes when naptime or bedtime is getting close she'll pick up her billy goat, put her thumb in her mouth, waddle down the hall, and point at her crib. She pretty much puts herself to sleep. Um, God, I'd like another baby like THIS one, please!

Where Does My Help Come From?

2008-12-10T21:59:00.000-08:00

It was early in the morning. The sun had risen, but hadn't yet crested over the mountain ledge keeping all the world or at least Uzbekistan in a dark shadow while the sky lit up with color. I had eaten a ko'k samsa for breakfast, a pastry stuffed with mint for Navruz, a Muslim holiday. I had also drunk a piola of black tea, the leaf pieces swirling about the bottom of the cup. I didn't care for tea. Mostly I drank it because it kept my hands warm in the unheated sitting room. With very few words to anyone in my host family, I dressed, ate, drank, and left for my volunteer post as an English teacher. I didn't feel very dressed up for my first day of class; wearing four or five layers of clothes makes one feel frumpy. Not to mention the 10 pounds I had gained in 3 months making me bulge out of my sweater. It had also been a little over two weeks since I last showered. My hair was swept up in a traditional scarf to hide the oil and dirt.

I stepped out onto the road. I could see a black dog wandering the street; I prayed he would cross and not disturb me. I started walking toward Maktab 2, the school where I would be teaching. It was 8 blocks away. Clutching my bag full of books and pamphlets from the Peace Corps, I began shaking my head.

What am I doing? I'm not a teacher! I'm scared to death! Oh Jesus, I just want to go home where I can be loved by my fiance and my family. Where I can be comfortable. Jesus what am I doing here? I am so...lonely. So far away from everyone I love. From everything that I know. Even you God, even you seem different, like a God I don't even know. I'm too far away. Did you come with me? Are you the same God in Uzbekistan that you are in Minnesota?

In an instant I knew. The same God that had thoughtfully carved out the lakes in Minnesota had also lovingly created the mountains I was now gazing upon. These very mountains were touched by the Creator. God, I've never seen these mountains, yet you created them. Have I seen a part of you many have never seen? God's heart for Central Asia. His love for these people. This land. You are with me. But I am afraid...and lonely. I am doing a job I don't know how to do. I am surrounded by people I don't know, who don't know me, and worse, who don't know you. I don't even have familiar food, language, or even bathrooms to make me comfortable. Help me, Lord.

Then a song rose in my heart...

I lift my eyes up to the mountains
Where does my help come from
My help comes from You
Maker of heaven, creator of the earth

Oh how I need You Lord
You are my only hope
You’re my only prayer
So I will wait for You
To come and rescue me
Come and give me life

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Every morning as I stepped out of my family's gate in Gazalkent I sang this song to myself. And the Lord was faithful to strengthen my heart each day. Two months later we were all sent home with many stories to tell and thoughts to process. Many things have I kept fondly in my heart. One of these is how this song and the scripture it is taken from drew me into the bosom of the Lord. Now when I sing it, I see the mountains tinged with pink and purple majesty. I remember how weak I felt. And I recall the faithfulness of the Lord. And I am filled anew with life.

One of Those Precious Mommy Moments

2008-12-04T10:25:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I don't know where she gets it. Abigail has such a sweet spirit, and yesterday she gave an example of a servant's heart.

We've been trying to teach her to "put away" her toys at the end of the day or before naptime to some success. But I've never had her truly clean up after herself. Babies make messes. Alas, she has the motor skills of C-3PO. I certainly don't expect her to be neat and tidy. Well yesterday she exhibited that she is maybe ready for some more challenging helping chores.

Yesterday she brought me her sippy cup of milk and set it down on the footstool. It tipped over and a few drops of milk spilled out onto the footstool. She pointed to the droplets with concern. I nodded gravely, "Yes, you made a mess. But it's ok." It's ok - the footstool is full of milk and peanut butter spots anyway. Abi waddled over to her highchair, climbed onto a nearby chair and reached, reached, reached onto the highchair tray. She grabbed something and climbed down. She started to toddle back to the footstool with a wash cloth in her hand! She placed the wash cloth on the footstool where the spots had been (by this time they'd already soaked in) and gave the stool a few good scrubs. Then she handed me the wash cloth, picked up her sippy cup, and zoomed off to go play! Needless to say she received lots of hugs and kisses for her effort!

That's my girl!!

Someday I, Too, Will Be the Mother of a Pre-Teen Girl

2008-11-30T11:54:00.000-08:00

Hey girls, do you remember what it was like to be a pre-teen? I do. I thought it was God's will for me to marry Jonathan Taylor Thomas (or JTT to us teeny-boppers). You remember him? The kid from Home Improvement? Anyway. Everything that went wrong when I was a pre-teen was the END of the WORLD. HOW could LIFE go ON?! Even when I was in the 10th grade, I locked myself in the closet and cried for a half hour after the infamous '98 Vikings lost by a missed field goal to the Falcons in the NFC Championship. Cried for a half hour. In the closet. HOW could LIFE go ON?!?!

Remember last spring when David Cook won American Idol over David Archuleta, the teen heart throb? Maybe you don't; it isn't what I'd call the most thrilling moment of my life...or even the most thrilling moment of that day. But to some pre-teen girls out there, it was the worst day of their young lives. I found a video on YouTube of a group of girls and their reaction to the news that their puppy love had lost American Idol. Watch and laugh, I mean, uh...mourn with them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70f0chZVudA

I definitely laughed and laughed. And then I realized that someday my little Abi might be throwing a similar fit over something just as trivial. Oh yes. It's inevitable: someday, I, too will be the mother of a pre-teen girl.

Thankfulness and Gluttony: Part 1

2008-11-28T22:12:00.000-08:00

My family are my best friends. This Thanksgiving, I was thankful to be able to spend a few days spending time with them and laughing with them. Mom always puts together the most diverse and delicious menus, Dad gets on the floor with Abi (playing blanket monster!), and us kids partake in games, snacks, walks, movies, and adventures! This Thanksgiving, Dad packed up his firearms and some ammo and we drove out of town a few miles for some target practice.

Jon, Dad, and Brian loading up the guns.Here were our targets: a pumpkin, a beer cozy, and a Pepsi cup.

Jon starts things off with the 9mm. This is Brian's Beretta from Grandpa Westerbur, the same type of gun Jon had strapped to his leg for 10 months in Iraq. I even had a chance to shoot the Beretta a few times, then I got scared! :)

Brian takes aim with the shot gun. I did not attempt the shot gun.

Dad shows us how it's done.

Jon gives the 357 a try.

Ah, the boys.

Our poor pumpkin.

Sunset over rural Minnesota.

Father-daughter duets! Preparing for Carnegie Hall!

"Let's start eating already, I'm starving!"

The spread is gorgeous! Now let's eat!

Saying grace, being thankful, praising Jesus, and then...

LET'S EAT!!

Michelle and Jon and I gave Brian his birthday presents. He is ecstatic about his new argyle socks and Itunes gift card from Michelle! (and YES his Tshirt says "Gustav is my homeboy")

"Oh Abi, thank you! Thank you...you can let go now Abi."

Brian's taking Ancient Greek over J-Term at Gustavus so we got him a Greek-English Interlinear New Testament. Jon picked it out :)

Abi was happy to get a new handbag.

Mmm...post-dinner naptime.

The Lions were getting creamed by the Titans so we changed the channel.

Oh yes. We watched the dog show. I was rooting for the terrier and the basset hound.

Jon practiced his German.

And Michelle spent lots of time with her new fiance Tristan via text!

That night we picked out some bridesmaid dresses, finished up our game of Hand and Foot (a card game), ate lots of pie, and opened a few windows. Then we tried to get Jon and Brian hooked on a Santa Claus movie starring John Lithgo and Dudley Moore, but they didn't bite. So we watched Home Alone and I cried like always when the neighbor was re-united with his family. We didn't want to leave this morning, it's always so relaxing at mom and dad's. It's like we travel to a different world or at least time slows down out there. I'm so thankful for the time we got to spend together. One more Thanksgiving to go, and then I go on a leafy green diet for a while!

Dressing Up This Fall

2008-11-28T20:52:00.000-08:00

Well, fall wouldn't be fall without dressing up for Halloween! Our little Abigail dressed up as a ladybug and we went trick-or-treating with some friends up the street.

Abi loved holding her pumpkin! She wouldn't let me hold it at all!

And here she is sneaking some chocolate. Ah, yes, she is her mother's daughter!

Then we went to visit Jon at work. The family!!

She started counting her candy right away cuz she knew that mommy would sneak all the chocolates out.

Abi wasn't the only one who dressed up! I went as Sarah Palin and Jon went as Joe the Plumber. People told me I was a natural Palin. They also commented that I had nailed the accent. What accent?

Jon also dressed up as a flame-thrower!

Abi loves putting on all her hats from the hats and mittens drawer.

She also loves necklaces and barrettes. Dressing up is one of her favorite things to do!

And between dress-up times she takes cute baths :)

And of course in November, she dresses up WARM to go walking with daddy!

Baby Wrestling

2008-11-07T22:18:00.001-08:00

Every other Monday night, Abigail goes to visit her friend Sammy. Sammy's dad Dale took these pictures he titled "Baby Wrestling." Abi's really just trying to hug Sammy, but she's a little aggressive at this point. Dale wrote the greatest captions to them, so I got his permission to re-post them on my blog! Please, enjoy them. This is as good as it gets! (By the way, Sammy is about 3 months older than Abi, so don't feel too sorry for him!)

You know my Dad's a Marine, right?

He taught me how to treat cute boys

With pretty blue eyes

Let them get close

And then squeeze off their carotid artery until they pass out!

Hope: The Lost Election Message

2008-10-24T20:35:00.000-07:00

I want to premise this post by saying I will not be endorsing any candidates or amendments or policies here at this time. I'm not George Clooney or Matt Damon so my opinions do not weigh as much (so funny, yet so sad). If you want my opinion, honestly, then I will give it, but not if all you want to do is attack me. I used to be very good at being a pit bull, but it seems mommyhood has made me a bit of a softie and I take things to heart pretty easily. But as the last few months have worn on in campaignville, I've seen and heard some things that need to be addressed. I am here to remind us that there IS hope.

With all the campaign ads for Senators, Representatives, and Presidential candidates, I found myself getting caught up in the "fight for your life" attitude. When an attack ad would come on against my favorite candidate, sometimes I felt like screaming at the TV, "Stupid! He's taking this out of context! What a joke!" Then I would call up one of my comrades and fume with them about how so-and-so had better win the election because I can't believe what kind of mess we'd be in if such-and-such was elected. Please, dear God, in your mercy, don't let it be HIM (or HER as I prayed fervently, fervently). But lately, I've been stepping back and looking at the cost of all this fighting. Even the church is fighting, fighting amongst themselves about who GOD'S choice is. First of all, God's choice would be that GOD would be president. Maybe I should write Him in. (I wonder if He gets many votes?) And second of all, actually, there is no second of all. First of all, God is KING.

"It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes." ~Psalm 118:9

My friends, let me tell you there is hope! After the 2004 elections, if you were to ask any Kerry supporter how they felt, they all answered one and the same: they were despairing, fearful, and angry. Their hope was in a man, and that man had failed them. Many people who voted for Bush in 2004 are feeling the same way. This man they voted for disappointed them. They feel betrayed, despairing, and afraid. This will always, always, always be the outcome when we put our hope in men (and women). Even good men and women. We all fail, we all make mistakes, and we all make choices that make ourselves feel good without thinking about our fellow man from time to time. I can promise you we will be disappointed with our next president, too, in some way at some time. He's going to make a promise he can't keep; he might even make some terrible moral taboo that degrades the office. If our hope and peace come from knowing we have a good leader in a good government, then I'm sorry to say that we will be disappointed all our lives.

I have three groups of people I want to address here, so bear with me. First of all, if you find yourself thinking, “That’s me. I’ve been let down and I’m sick of putting all my hope in one man every four years only to be disappointed time and again,” then I want to encourage you that there is someone you can put your hope in that promises never to fail you. That person is Jesus Christ. He lived a perfect life and allowed himself to be sacrificed. He did this in order that we, as imperfect human beings, could have a chance to be reconciled to a righteous and holy God. Romans 3:23-24 says, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” All the good things I do still don’t make me righteous and holy. To come to a righteous, holy God, we need to go through a righteous, holy intercessor, Jesus Christ. “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In His great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,” ~ 1 Peter 1:3 Jesus promises never to leave us nor to forsake us. Our hope is secure when it is placed in him.

The second group is a group I myself belong to. It’s the church. Our hope comes from the Lord. But I think we've strayed or forgotten the focus. We as the church have neglected our duty to reassure our fellow citizens of this hope. We aren't sharing this hope with people who are afraid and despairing because they've been let down by our government. Have we become so engrossed in our "evangelical issues" that we've forgotten the most important command from Jesus Christ himself? “Go and make disciples of all nations!” Share the love and hope of Jesus Christ to a world that is hurting, lost, despairing. To a world that is clinging to a few moderately decent men who can really only give them either free health care or some tax cuts. Instead of focusing all our efforts into the campaigns of men who we don’t completely agree with, let’s focus our efforts on the campaign of God whom we serve. Be the peace the world so desperately needs and spread it around. Also, let’s not fall into the trap of vilifying our brothers and sisters in the Lord for their poured-over, prayed-over decision on who to vote for. I know wonderful people who are whole-heartedly serving the Lord on BOTH sides of the political field. Jesus prayed three times for unity in the church. Let’s not do as the world does and so stir up dissension and strife. When all is said and done, someone will be president, and God will still be God.

The third group is those of you who are still waffling over which candidate to vote for. The best you can do is ask God what are the issues on His heart. And what are the issues on God's heart? We read in the Bible that God has always been an advocate for how we treat the poor and the aliens, justice for the innocent, loving our neighbor, making disciples of all nations and baptizing them, praying for peace in Jerusalem...notice that the global economy wasn't on this list, nor were tax increases or big government. As a Christian, I need to pray that God presses on my heart the things that are breaking his. Pray for God to guide you, and know that your conscience will be clean before him.

I believe it is our civic duty to vote and give direction to the nation we live in. What a privilege! It’s a privilege my father and my husband have both fought for, put their lives on the line for. I’m a true patriot and I love my country. That being said, my heart belongs to my Savior, and it’s in Him that I place my hope. I pray for everyone who reads this, that they might choose the same.

In His great HOPE!

Brenda

Adventures in the Life of Abigail: My First Camping Trip!

2008-10-12T14:40:00.000-07:00

Hi! My name is Abigail and this is my first blog! I'm only one-year-old, but I have lots to say!

This is me!

This is my mommy. Isn't she pretty?

This is my awesome dad!
This weekend I went on my first camping trip with mom and dad to Whitewater State Park by Rochester, MN. I helped Mommy pack the food box. I brought the apples.

Oh yes. This is a good one!

I think I will taste it to make sure it is good enough for my first camping trip. Mmmm!
We took our camper and Papa's truck with all our stuff. I started to get bored in the truck so I cried. But after a while I got bored with crying so I took a nap. Then I felt better!

This is how we play when we are camping. Daddy is tickling my bellybutton! Silly daddy!

Here I am climbing into mommy's chair when she wasn't looking. Aren't I sneaky?

Haha! I did it!

This is our first hike. Daddy carried me on his back because he is so strong! We went up lots of stairs. I helped by singing a special song called, "We are climbing the stairs." No one sang along, so I don't think they know it. I will have to teach it to them.

Mommy kept holding me so I couldn't walk around. I was very frustrated! I just learned how to do this, mom! Give me a chance! That edge looks very interesting. I want to poke it with my finger. Mommy showed me a fuzzypillar and I poked him with my finger instead.

We looked at all the pretty colors! Daddy pointed out reds, oranges, yellows, greens, and browns. I also learned about Ironwood.

Here is my daddy. In a few minutes he will jump over that gap. Wow! I didn't know he could fly! I tried to fly later while getting my diaper changed on the picnic table. And again when I was sitting in mommy's chair. And again when I was napping. I concluded with the same results every time. How did daddy do it without landing on his head and crying?

Here I am napping. Mom and Dad played Texas Hold 'Em and that is mom's unbelievable World Record setting tower of (banana) chips. It was here that I attempted my first flight. I saw my favorite book just out of reach. So I leaned over the duffel bags that mom put around me as a hedge. And I leaned a little more...a little more...and that's when it happened. I tumbled out of bed. But I got my book!

Here we are hiking again! Maybe I am making a present?

Look! Something!

This is an ancient historical site. Daddy told me about how Han Solo drove the Millennium Falcon into the cliff many years ago, and this is all that is left of it.

Aaah, some relative liberty. I chose to quote some Bonhoeffer for us while we rested. Mom and Dad didn't seem to react. Maybe they are unfamiliar with Bonhoeffer. I will try Dante next time. He's a little more mainstream.

This is kind of like flying! Wheee!

And then I climbed this tree! I can't wait until I can climb a tree that is taller than 2 feet!

Here is a beautiful place. This is where I sat in the mud to see what color it would make my pants.

This tree was a mess. Here I am trying to straighten it out. Unfortunately I was unsuccessful. This is just some of the debris left from the big floods that happened down here after I was born.

Look at all the colors!

This is looking a back at the Hall of Kings. My dad and his brothers named it. Like how mommy named the Meadow of Elephant Feet near our house.

Hahahahaha! I caught a daddyfish!

Adventure!

This is where I found a pretty ladybug. He crawled around on my hand and my finger. I was so interested in him, so I tried to talk to him. He told me he wanted to be in my mouth. But mommy took him away before I could do what he asked.

We had lots of good talks and lots of good cuddles. It got so cold at night that mommy slept with me in my blankets. She held me all night and I stayed nice and warm.

Mommy loves milkweed and making the dancing fuzzies float in the air!

I think we should go this way.

Then we climbed 634 steps and got to the top of a bluff. We climbed up 150 more steps to get to the top of the firetower! I rode in the backpack again, but I got a little scared this time. So I sang my song "We are climbing the stairs" and this time Mom and Dad laughed the whole time! Next time I will teach them the words so they can sing along!

That was our trip! Mommy made lots of delicious food and Daddy too! He made potato-eggs this morning which I really liked. Mommy made cocoa, too, but I only got a little sip. I tried to tell her I wanted more, more, MORE! But she didn't give me anymore. Maaaaaaamaaaaaaa! I think I'm tired and need to go to sleep now! Where is my billy goat?

An Article on Competitive Mothering

2008-10-07T10:13:00.000-07:00

JP, Israel Hope, Ruby Ann, & Audra Charlebois

My friend Audra recently wrote an article for Focus on the Family! I am so proud of her - I feel like I know someone famous! The title of her article is "My Baby is Better than Your Baby" and it's about competitive mothering. I know I've done this myself and I've talked to other moms who have. On Wednesdays we go to story time at the library. However the library is in Edina and the moms and their babies are always dressed in designer clothes with salon-styled hair. I always feel like I need to have my makeup done and hair curled and Abi dressed in her cutest outfit with all the snot crusties wiped off her face before we can go. Not to mention the talking, walking, milestone-breaking babies that she encounters there. It's no wonder moms everywhere (especially first-time moms) feel insecure about their mothering. Abi is healthy, happy, and strong. I am not worried about her development at all. But it is too easy to slip into a "competition" with other moms and talk about "what my baby was doing at that age." Let's be encouraging and always reflecting the amazing love of our Father in heaven.

Here's the link to Audra's article. I hope you will be as blessed by it as I was! Awesome job, Audra, and I hope you are enjoying your first few weeks with your new little girl!

http://www2.focusonthefamily.com/focusmagazine/parentfamily/A000001229.cfm

Twins SWEEP the Sox!

2008-09-25T21:58:00.000-07:00

My hands are raw. My throat is hoarse. My ears are ringing. I peed my pants. Those are the signs of what I call a friggin'ly awesome game!!!

So last night Jon begged to get tickets to tonight's game. Ok, fine, I conceded. Kind of like our last shot to see the Twins in the regular season. We were a half a game behind the White Sox (huuuuuuge division rivals) and a win tonight would put us a half a game ahead and into first place in the AL Central. So we dropped Abi off at Grandma's and took the bus up to the Dome.

Well, we scored early in the first, but it didn't matter much. By the fourth inning Chicago found themselves up 6 - 1 because of a line drive that took out our pitcher and scored them 3 runs. Boy did that take the wind out of our sails. 6 - 1. Who comes back from that? WE DO!!! Suddenly in the bottom of the 8th inning we were tied up 6 - 6! The dome was so loud after the tying run that I thought it might come down on us. The decibel level had to have been 10x that of a jet engine. More like space shuttle take-off decibel level. Anyone whose been to the dome at full capacity (43,600 tonight) knows what I mean. I screamed so loud I... well, let's just say I "lost control." Hey. Having babies does that. :-)

Joe Nathan holds off the Sox for the top of the 9th, but to no avail. The Twins go 1, 2, 3 in the bottom of the 9th sending us into extra innings. There was this girl in front of us who kept wanting to stand for EVERYTHING. Like EVERYTHING. During inning changes, bullpen switches, 1 out and no strikes...she was up and screaming wondering why no one was with her. I kind of wanted to throw my Coke at her and tell her I couldn't see. I did end up throwing my Coke, but it was an accident. I hope the stain comes out of that guy's jersey. He still doesn't know it's there...

So anyway, Nathan saves us through the top of the 10th and we're all on our feet. Harris grounds out off the bat. Punto gets walked. Gomez hits out, Punto advanced to 2nd. (Considering the two triples, double, and the single he pulled for us tonight, I wasn't too upset with him). The first pitch to Span was wild and Punto steals third!! Then the Sox intentionally walk Span which provokes BOOOOOOOOS from us. Jon and I are behind the plate in the upper UPPER deck (like 9 rows from the roof) and we kept hearing guys hitting the vents in the back row to create noise. It worked! Up steps Casilla who hadn't been having the greatest of nights. I was just praying he wouldn't get out and give Mauer a chance, the next in the lineup. Screaming, whooping, hollering, general mob tantruming. And it's over the shortstop's head! It's a single! Punto runs home!!! WE WON! Oh my goodness! We came back from a 5 point deficit to win 7-6!!!! Beer, peanuts, and babies were flying through the air in celebration. Fans were wildly hugging each other, even the strangers next to them who spilled Coke on their jersey. Here's the link to the video of the great single that won the game and the mayhem that followed.

http://mlb.mlb.com/media/video.jsp?mid=200809253551036

And now...as a tribute, I'd like to sing a little song...

We're gonna win Twins! We're gonna score!
We're gonna win Twins! Watch that baseball soar!
Knock out a home run; shout a hip-hooray!
Cheer for the Minnesota Twins today!

NEW Adventures in the Life of Brenda #11: $350 Fear

2008-09-09T08:59:00.000-07:00

As some of you may have read from earlier, I have taken on the care-taking position for half our building. This requires cleaning the entryways every morning, vacuuming the halls and stairs once a week, picking up garbage, and sweeping out the storage lockers. All this for a $350 rent credit. Yesterday I took my keys, one for each floor's storage rooms, my broom, dustpan, and garbage bag and went off to scoop up dust bunnies. Floors 1, 2, and 3 were pretty clean and only required minimal sweeping. But I knew the real test was coming up. The basement storage room. When our manager showed me the door to the basement storage room, I noticed it was adjacent to the boiler room (how CREEPY is that name??? BOILER room). Since Abi was in the middle of a nap, I asked Jon if he would be willing to accompany me for a few minutes to the basement for "moral support." Like many people I am afraid of spiders. Who wouldn't be after watching Arachnophobia and having a giant barn spider drop into your hair while biking around in the garage as a child??? But even more than that, I also have a rather illogical and ridiculous fear. I am afraid of pipes. Yes, pipes.

In my parent's centenarian house, the furnace room was quite possibly the creepiest room ever built by human hands. As a child (and an adult) I called it "The Pipe Room." The walls and ceiling were covered with pipes, and since it resided in the basement of a hundred-year-old house, these pipes were usually intricately connected with approximately one million cobwebs and who-knows-how-many barn spiders (BIG yellowish-transparent spiders that can get to be the size of a votive candle holder). AND the light to the Pipe Room was a hanging bulb, which can only be illuminated by pulling the string hanging from it. The Pipe Room also had the sump hole in the corner to keep the Minnesota water table at bay. So there was always this dripping, musty quality to the air. So imagine being a child and your mom asks you to run to the basement and retrieve a few canning jars from the furnace room. FROM THE PIPE ROOM. You walk down the stairs to the basement, so far so good, and approach the door. You open it and it is black as pitch inside. You grope around with your hand in front of your face looking for the string to the bulb, hoping you won't accidentally grab a spider's web or fall into the sump hole. And then when you DO illuminate your surroundings with the ancient click-click of the yellow string, you see all these little eyes staring at you from all the spiders that want to jump on you. Well, you know what happens then, don't you? You forget all about the canning jars and you run screaming from the room waving your hands frantically to keep all spiders from becoming tangled in your beautifully long brunette locks. And now you're a freak who can't endure exposed pipes of any kind.

Jon walked me down to our building's basement with broom, dustpan, and garbage bag in hand. We unlocked the door (rather, I made him unlock the door while I hid behind him) and turned on the light. Alas, it was as I had feared and WORSE. Faint yellow light trickled through the dusty air from cobweb-laced light fixtures hung from a low ceiling. A low ceiling, every inch of which was covered with exposed pipes. I don't know what Jon saw, but this was what I saw:
From a cleaner's perspective, this basement storage room hadn't been swept in years. Leaves, dirt, cobwebs, shells of dead insects & spiders, and animal droppings were built up in the corners and piled on the window ledges. I couldn't help it; I started to cry. I could barely get through the door. Jon led me in and held me while I swept (even though he was laughing at me the whole time for being afraid of the pipes, he still gave me the physical support I needed to sweep even the darkest of corners). He spurred me on by thanking me for taking on this position because it lightened the load of work he would have to take on week by week. Eventually I started attacking the filth with meager gusto. "You ugly pipe, I'm going to sweep all the nasty - EEEK! Throwing spiders at me? We'll just see about that...take that! And THAT!"

After about 15 minutes, I had filled up half the garbage bag and decided I was finished for the day. Jon was proud of me, and I was proud of myself. We locked the door and the pipes and the spiders all behind us. "It's not so bad, now," I told Jon (and myself), "I can go down there by myself next time." I figure this is a labor of love. The other jobs are cake, and if I can conquer my fear once a month for the sake of my husband, I will do it! And I will do it happily and courageously!!!

The Sabbath Experiment: How Obeying and Disobeying the Fourth Commandment has Affected our Lives

2008-08-31T10:44:00.000-07:00

Last year while on our road trip through the Great Lakes http://jonbrendagill.blogspot.com/2007/07/there-and-back-again-bellys-tale.html Jon and I were walking along and happened to glance down into a Newspaper stand. But instead of newspapers, there was a book on the Ten Commandments. Jon picked it up and over the next few weeks read through it. After finishing he revealed that he had been convicted of not being faithful to follow the Fourth Commandment: that is observing the Sabbath and keeping it Holy. He had done his best to take one day a week (usually a different day each week) to "not work" that is, not to make any money from labor. But as the demands of marriage, school, rent, bills, and preparing for a child were suddenly burdening him to increase his hours at Ruby Tuesday (where he has been serving and bartending for 5 years), the Sabbath slowly became a once-a-month, if at all, luxury. He knew that this book had been left for him to remind him of the Sabbath, and how he needed to incorporate this commandment into his life and his family's life, now more than ever. Not only that, but he knew that God was asking him to observe the Sabbath on the seventh day, Saturday.

Now that may not seem like a big deal, but consider Jon's line of work. Bartender & Server at a restaurant. Saturdays are the money-makers. At MINIMUM, this would mean giving up $4800 this year ($400/month). So to give that up was asking a lot and it was a large step of faith for our family. We decided to give it a year and see what happened. Here it is, one year later, and we have so much to share about our Sabbath Experiment.

At first everything seemed pretty fair. The fall and early winter came and went without fanfare. Jon wasn't coming home with superfluous tips (which we were kind of expecting...come on God!) but we were making rent, paying the bills on time...all in all we always had enough. And life was good. Then things started getting lean. After Christmas and the New Year people decided to stop eating out, so the take home pay was less. Jon was also getting poor shifts that didn't make any money. But it never even entered our thoughts that maybe Jon should pick up a shift on Saturday. Even when the bills started to pile up, we prayed through it, and we could eke by week by week (mostly by eating peanut butter sandwiches). Thanks to a bountiful tax return, God provided for us the cushion we needed to get through the spring. $9,000 is pretty bountiful in my book! Provision #1.

Around that time, it became apparent that we needed to upgrade to a larger apartment. In a few months we would legally have "too many residents" for a one-bedroom apartment. A larger apartment means larger rent. As we unpacked our boxes into our wonderful new home, all I could do was shake my head. I lay awake nights praying, "Lord, I hope you know what you're doing. We could barely afford our old place. We need you now more than ever." Also around this time, all of our friends decided they needed to get married! For six Saturdays in a row we attended weddings and stood with our friends as they united in Holy Matrimony. But what should have been times of rejoicing was actually causing stress to our family. Jon went straight from Mid-terms just before Palm Sunday through spring break doing research for his Senior thesis, through Finals, working at the restaurant around 30 hours a week, with no Sabbaths to rest. As we plowed through the spring, we began to realize that "observing the Sabbath" didn't just mean not working for pay on a certain day. I'm not saying we shouldn't have attended our friends' weddings. But we should certainly have been wiser with the time we had to rest. Jon's health took a terrible dive. He suffered unexplained pharyngitis, endured a chronic cold for 2 months, lethargy and soreness plagued him, and he developed a large lump on his neck that no amount of massage could dissipate. Our marriage was weakened as he didn't have the energy for anything, even when he had a window of free time. Looking back, we can clearly see the ugly fruit of living a life-style that overlooks a day of rest. Yet, by the grace of God, we survived. At the end of the six-week wedding marathon Jon also finished his final paper. When he clicked "print" and bound those 25 pages together, he knew this phase was over, and that we needed to change.

Exodus 31:14-15 says, "'Observe the Sabbath, because it is holy to you. Anyone who desecrates it must be put to death; whoever does any work on that day must be cut off from his people. For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day is a Sabbath of rest, holy to the Lord. Whoever does any work on the Sabbath day must be put to death.'" Since Christ has freed us from the penalty of disobeying the law (as we understand in the New Testament), we don't need to fear a bolt of lightning from heaven if we don't observe the Sabbath. However, the spirit of the law still lives. We were designed to ONLY work 6 days and then to take a day of rest to become refreshed. Look at what happened to us when we stopped observing the Sabbath! May it be a reminder to us as we "make every effort to enter His rest." (Hebrews 4:11)

Okay, on to the good stuff! Summer time gave us a new opportunity to start over afresh in our Sabbath experiment. Days after graduating (when we started observing the Sabbath again) Jon's illnesses disappeared along with the lump on his neck. Coincidence?!?! We are still learning what things are good and restful and which things are stressful and laborious for Saturdays. But as our experiment was nearing its conclusion, God had a few surprises left for us!!

Provision #2: Favor with our landlords. I got a call out of the blue early in August; it was from our landlady. She asked if I would like to take on the position of caretaker for our half of the building (vacuuming, sweeping, general grounds-keeping) in exchange for a rent-credit of $350/month. Extra duties such as helping to clean the turn-over apartments, shoveling snow, and raking leaves would be paid an extra $10.75/hour. Was it a coincidence that she thought of me? Jon and I are joint-caretakers (so he can shovel in the event that I become "unable" to do so...). This means we are now paying less for our two-bedroom than we were for our one-bedroom!

Provision #3: Favor with the University of Minnesota. Jon is returning to the U this fall, this time as a grad student. We had hoped that he might get a Teaching Assistantship, which would likely decrease the amount of tuition we'd have to pay. But it was becoming apparent that the opportunities were not available to first-years. Then one happy day in mid-August, Jon got an email from one of his former professors saying that the class enrollment for a particular class was much larger than expected. And even though it wasn't big enough for the University to automatically assign a TA, they opted to let the professor assign one anyway! And who is the first person he thought of? Was it a coincidence that he thought of Jon? The job will automatically wipe off 50% of his tuition for this fall and will also decrease his health insurance premium by 50%. On top of that, it will ALSO pay $17.50/hour for the work he'll do correcting papers and showing up for that class. Even though he won't be doing about 10 hours of work a week, they will still pay him as if he were. That amounts to about $3500 over the course of this next semester.

After soaking all this in, we did the calculations. We decided Jon "lost" $4800 this year by giving up Saturdays to observe the Sabbath. The blessings of God's provision for this year (and the year to come) totals near $20,000 so far. That's five times the amount we sacrificed when we took the step of faith a year ago. Jon even calculated that he actually earned $390 each Sabbath that we observed.

Hebrews 4 tells us that the promise of entering His rest still stands. The penalty of disobedience is gone, but the blessing of observance is still there. We have been richly, richly blessed, and now we give Him glory. I hope we can always look back on this year that tested our faith whenever times are lean and say, "I will yet praise Him, because He cares for us." I hope you are all encouraged by this testimony, and will remember us when you follow the steps of faith God is asking of you.

NEW Adventures in the Life of Brenda #10: A Salute to the Mommies-To-Be

2008-08-21T22:13:00.000-07:00

It's happened to all of us. That phone call or text from an unknown number or even someone off the street starts having a conversation with you without disclosing their name or how they know you leaving you dumbly staring trying to trace their tell-tale mole or squeaky voice to a particular era of your life so you can remember their name. What do you do in this situation? Do you stop them and say, "Sorry, but I have no idea who you are. Who are you? Are we enemies? Why am I on this wall? WHERE'S BUTTERCUP?!" or do you carry on the conversation with the hopes that dropped clues and a really good educated guess will bring you to the correct conclusion? I chose the latter yesterday morning when I received a text from someone who wasn't in my Caller ID. The text message was, simply:

"I'm pregnant!"

Oh dear. This is someone I know well enough that she'd text me telling me she's pregnant. And the AREA CODE! 713. Where the heck is that? After a quick Google search I find it's in Houston, Texas. Yikes. Who do I know in Houston?!

"Jon! Where do the Roys live?"
"Dallas,"
"Are you sure they don't live in Houston?"
"Yes,"

Shoot. Well, let's play along. Maybe she'll mention her husband's name...

"Congratulations! Are you excited?" I text back. That's pretty safe...
"Yes! We've been trying for 3 months!" texts phantom mommy-to-be.
"Well, may God bless your pregnancy!"
"Thanks!"

Oh geez. WHO IS THIS?! "Jon, who is this??? How can I find out who it is?" I plead. "You could ask her." he replies in all logic and reason. "Nooooooooooo, but I caaaaaaaaaaaan't. I've already pretended like I know who it is!" I give him my pleading face which is really probably not very flattering. He chuckles and says, "Well, then you'll just have to wonder!"

Fine. I fume to myself. How could I have let myself get into this pickle. I should have just asked from the beginning. I text her back, "I'm sorry, but I thought I knew who this was, but I'm not so sure...who are you?" I don't know why this was so humiliating. Poke my pride with a stick and watch me sputter around like a deflating balloon.

OOooooh! It's Martha from college! I'm glad I didn't start calling random friends asking, "Are YOU the pregnant mommy-to-be?"

All this talk of pregnant ladies got me to wondering just how many bellies I currently know! So I made a collage! (Unfortunately I had to leave one friend out because my collage could only have 9 heads. Sorry, Danielle!) Here's to expecting mothers!! Amber, Audra, Becky, Betsy, Joelle, Luda, Martha, Missy, and Molly. (I wonder who will be next...???? It could be YOU!!)

Abigail Carin Gill Turns One!!

2008-08-19T19:32:00.000-07:00

On August 9th, and then again on August 16th, Abigail Carin Gill celebrated her first birthday commemorating one year of beauty, growth, grace, and baby bliss! Her real birthday was on August 11, but since half of her family lives very out of town, we celebrated on the weekends. It was like a birthday party sandwich :-) Here are the pictures you've all been waiting for!

Jon made this sign for Abi by coloring in each letter meticulously!

The table spread: chocolate cupcakes, fruit salad, and chicken salad sandwiches (thanks, Amber for the recipe!)

Here's the 2nd cake. The first cake had a little sprinkle heart shape in the middle. The little bear was on my (and my siblings') first birthday cakes in years past.

Papa "reads" the wrapping paper.

At first Abi didn't know what to do with her cake and she daintily dipped her fingers into the frosting.

But she got the hang of it! Look at that crater in the cake! Yay Abi!

Great-Grandpa and Great-Grandma Miller joined us from Idaho for Abi's special day. They've been married for 55 years, and are obviously still very much in love! Also, notice Great-Grandma's eyes; those are the sparkly blues that Abigail inherited.

The Gill clan: Anita & Richard Miller, Uncle Jay, Daddy, Abigail, Papa, Granny, and Mama down in front (did I get all my teeth in the picture?)

Abi LOVES her new Cadillac of strollers from Papa and Granny.

Baby Abi in her birthday dress.

Abi thanks Granny for the Matryoshka doll that she brought back from Russia for the birthday girl :-)

Abi's second party started with a trip to the Como Zoo and Conservatory.

Aunt Michelle and her beau Tristan getting cozy ;-)

The Westerbur clan takes a nap after such a exhausting outing. Clockwise from upper left: Grandma Laurie, Grandpa John, Aunt Michelle, Tristan, Uncle Brian, and Daddy.

Abigail clutches her new sweater from Great-Aunt Marie. I think it was one of her favorite presents!

Abi flaps in response to an electronic book.

Abi hugs her new dress. She must be her mommy's daughter with her love of new clothes!

Abi didn't need any coaxing with this cake; she dug right in! Messy girl!

Thank you everyone for such a special birthday! Everyone who attended wrote beautiful blessings for Abigail and they will certainly encourage her for years to come! Thank you thank you thank you! :-)

How are YOU Preparing?

2008-08-12T10:25:00.001-07:00

We all get caught up thinking about our futures. Jon and I have discussed our goals in life extensively and how the Lord has directed our paths for those aspirations. We have a call to be "pioneers" for the Gospel abroad, a heart for a certain people group, and even a general area of the world we know the Lord is leading us toward. And we have prayed that God would open up the proper doors at the proper times for us in those areas, but also the proper doors along the way to prepare us.

I was praising the Lord one day recounting all the opened doors we've been walking through. First there was my Peace Corps tour which introduced me to peoples and places I never even knew existed. Then Jon's schooling: he's finished his Bachelor's in Linguistics and is now working on his Master's in Teaching English as a Second Language. He has been teaching English to international grad students at the University and will be working on his Adult Basic Education license. All this to give us the proper credentials to teach overseas. The Lord has been moving in our lives financially to grow us in faith and prepare us for living in His grace and provision alone.

I was delighting in these things one morning saying, "Look how you've led us! Look how you've moved in Jon's world even just THIS YEAR!" That's when I got a little challenge in my heart from the Holy Spirit. (the third guy in the Trinity, right?) He challenged, "How have YOU been preparing this year, Brenda?" Now it wasn't a condescending, finger-wagging. See I could have sluffed it off saying, "Well, I'm raising a BABY aren't I? I'm learning how to raise children." And I am. But what the Holy Spirit was pointing out was that I am capable of more but I wasn't doing it. How HAVE I been preparing this year? I realized that I needed this year of "maternity leave" to focus on my baby, but I wasn't always going to have the time like I have right now. It is time to move on.

I started reading More than a Prophet but about 3 chapters into it, I realized this wasn't what God meant when He challenged me to be preparing. I've always been academic and I'll keep reading the book, but as far as apologetics go, it's not my ace. (It is for Jon; what a philosopher!) Well God, what DID you mean? I prayed. The answer came while we were at church in Virginia visiting Matt and Julie. It was just a simple verse that spoke right into my soul: Micah 6:8, "And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." It was like He was saying, "Brenda, I just want you to sit at my feet and learn a little." Sweet. Asaph says in Psalm 73, "Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever...as for me, it is good to be near God." How intimate does that sound? It sounds as if this guy desired nothing more than to be God's best friend. To walk humbly with his God. Again, sweet. What could better bless Jon than for his helpmeet to be walking humbly with God? How could I be better prepared for teaching and preaching abroad than to live and love justice and mercy? I already know the technical and the cultural stuff. Time to train the heart.

Now it's like I have this purpose or vision for the faith I live. The things I get involved in, are they encouraging me to live and act justly? Am I learning mercy? Will I become closer to God and His heart through this? It wasn't the path I thought He'd lead me down, but I'm sure glad He is.

So here's a challenge for you: what are the goals in your life, and how are you preparing to meet those? If you have no clue, take a minute to pray and ask God to reveal His will for your life. Even if it's just the next step. Then when that door opens, step out in faith. Sometimes we just need a little push. Let this be your push!

An Open Palm

2008-07-28T19:42:00.000-07:00

Back at a college bible study (Prepare, for those of you familiar with it), my mentor Karen gave a visual about how we are to hold our dreams and desires. She held out an object on the palm of her hand, fingers flared. She said that we are to hold our dreams, desires, blessings, trials, really everything in our lives with an open hand. Many times we want to close our hand around whatever God has given us so that no one can take it away, not even our Heavenly Father. But God put it in our hands to enjoy, and we must remember that it is His. We must be willing to give it up if He asks it of us.

I've recently had to open up my fist and release a longtime dream to the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.

Like most Americans, I suffer from entitlement-itis. I see it as my inalienable rights to be married, have kids, have a career, and own a home. Ah, yes, the "American Dream" where everyone lives in a modest rambler with a big yard and we're all successfully employed with 2.5 kids and a dog (or a cat for cat-people). We, as Americans, have a right to this dream. To misquote the Vulcan salute, "Work hard and prosper." And I was this close (imagine me pinching my fingers together) to having the American Dream plopped right in my lap. But I didn't marry him. Instead I married the man God had for me; I married adventure! And the best part about Mr. Adventure is that he holds his whole life with an open hand. I'm sure sometimes he would also long to "just settle down" and have a "normal life" with a "normal job" but we both know that God has different things in store for us and our family. He's even had to check me on occasion when I get moody and ask him when we're going to move out of the city. Will we move out of the city?! I hate the city! In my heart I know his kind, gentle, but reproachful answer: "I'm not going to answer that, Brenda, because I don't know. Right now, it is God's will for us to be in the city, and so that is where we are going to be." In other words, "you'd better bring this up with God because this is a heart issue for you." In other words, "SUCK IT UP, WOMAN!" (He would never say that; that's just a paraphrase... :-)

Most of all, I wanted a house. I saw all my friends with houses and my neighbors with houses and strangers with houses...mailmen with houses, truckers with houses, nurses with houses, dogs with houses, houses with houses. And I knew my house was coming! MAYBE SOON! Next year, 2 years? When, God, when?! Afterall, it's my right. And jealousy began to take root in my heart. I'd walk our daughter in the stroller along Minnehaha Creek and look at all the mansions. I could see families inside playing, eating, talking. When, God, when? What makes them more deserving than me?

At last today I was able to pray what I've been needing to pray for years. I repented of my envy and released my dream of a house from a clenched fist. I'm feeling what Paul says to the Philippians about being content in whatever situation you find yourself. I'm feeling what my husband says about experiencing contentment by knowing you're in the middle of God's will. I am content with renting. Maybe that seems petty. But any closed fists in our faith feeds rebellion and spoils the heart. It's an idol, pure and simple, no matter how petty.

I am EXCITED for this new freedom. By releasing this dream, I've allowed God to open up possibilities for our lives that would have been difficult if not impossible to navigate while bogged down with a mortgage. We are free to circumvent the globe at a moment's notice! (Well, maybe more than a moment, Abi still needs a passport!) We are free to pack up, pick up, and ship out. Praise God.

Here's a poem I wrote in college. It's pretty rough (my poet friends, please don't be too critical) but it shows how I gave up the American Dream (and my own romantic idea of a yard with a tire swing in it) to live the God Adventure. I hope you'll all join me :-)

The Dream of a Tire Swing
Copyright 2004 by Brenda J. Westerbur

In my graveyard of retired dreams hangs a tired-out tire swing
Amongst the buried, the abandoned, and the unremembered, pendulates this humble thing
Fastened feebly to its oak
With no tangible life ahead
With a slipknot slipped and a rotten rope
Only haunted by the life I’d led
With my dream of a tire swing

In my hunger and my determined denial, I felt I felt the wind
The falsehood of flight, a stagnant adventure, I flew willingly pinned
Rooted to one thrill
Yet finding no fault
Its reputation to fulfill
How easy to exalt
To stealing the dream of a tire swing

But the wind in my hair blew empty and sallow
The swing as it promised was honorably hollow
It lacked the means to carry me
The distance I was destined to fly
The Caller called me, his refugee,
“To be effective, the swing must die.”
So I burned my dream of a tire swing

I can see far past the horizon, with no destination in sight
And though I’m unsure where to land, I’m not afraid of the flight
The graveyard a scrapbook beneath me
My dreams laid to rest buried inside
My thoughts infer I feel curiously free
To find if I never returned, I could be satisfied
To a life without a tire swing

The Abi update: 11 Cutiest Stories About The Cuteness

2008-07-26T05:59:00.000-07:00

Abigail is 11 1/2 months old now (first birthday is just around the corner!!) and so I thought I'd post a few of my favorite Abi stories.

1. We play hide and seek in the apartment. I will hide in one of the rooms with some body part sticking out (like a hand or a foot) and she will crawl around until she finds me. As soon as she sees me she lets out a huge squeal of glee!

2. We've started using sign language for some of Abi's routines and I didn't know if any of it was getting through until this morning. I had been flipping my hands when I say "all done" to try to associate those words with the hand motions. Today at breakfast we were mostly through her banana oatmeal when she became harder to feed. Then she looked up at me and started squeezing her both her hands together (like both hands were saying "bye-bye"). I said to Jon, "What is she doing - wait! oh! She's saying 'all done!'" She was as excited as I was! I took her oatmeal away and she squealed as I took her out of her high chair :)

3. Abi loves the beach, the pool, the tub...she loves water! She has discovered splashing and almost always objects when we have to leave. Yes, she whimpers even when I take her out of the tub! Glad we live in the land of 10,000 lakes!

4. I had the TV on in the background one day and a commercial came on saying, "Say good-bye to unwanted soap scum!" And Abigail looked up from her toys and started waving at the TV! Bye-bye soap scum!

5. We went to Idaho over the Fourth of July to visit Abi's great-grandparents. After seeing all their pictures on the wall, we discovered that Abi had inherited great-grandma Nini's bright blue eyes. (not just any blue eyes, but heart-breaker baby blues!) Abi gets them from her dad, who got them from his mom, who got them from her mom. Great-Grandpa Miller says he married those blue eyes 54 years ago :-)

6. Abi gives big hugs around our necks and will sometimes even try to kiss us all over our faces with her big open mouth. She's so affectionate!

7. When Isaiah came over in early April, I was convinced that he gave Abi the unction to crawl. Well, after spending the last few days with Malachi and Zach Harpel, she's been getting into a standing position from squatting. She didn't like being left in the dust by them! You could see her envious eyes follow their running and walking. It probably won't be long now until she braves her first step!

8. One of Abi's favorite play things are the shoes in the front entry way. She'll follow daddy to the door as he leaves for work and then she'll just stay there and play with the shoes for a half hour or so. She also has started unrolling the toilet paper and emptying Kleenex boxes in her spare time. I love this picture of her with the toilet paper. It's like she's saying, "sorry, mom..."

9. When Abi gets excited she crinkles up her nose and face and starts breathing really loudly through her nose. I think she does it on purpose because it makes us laugh so much :-) The little comedian! (Here's a picture of her with the crinkle face...)

10. Every morning after breakfast Abi will greet whichever parent is still sleeping by crawling to our bedroom, pushing open the door, and squealing when she spies their foot, arm or face hanging over the bed. It's a joyful way to wake up!

11. One day as Abi was playing quietly in her room, she started to cry, so I went in to investigate. I saw her trying to pull her purple Care Bear (her favorite toy of all time) out of her crib. But the head was too big to fit through the slats and it frustrated her that she couldn't play with him! It was a very heart-melting moment.