Sunday, May 16, 2010

Kids Say the Darndest Things!

Per my mom's request (and every mom's advice) I've begun writing down the adorable, the hysterical, the strange, and the heart-warming antics of our two daughters. For your reading pleasure, I give you a collection of anecdotes that will make you smile tenderly and affectionately nuzzle your own sweet babies. Or they will cause a desire to create a sweet baby with whom to nuzzle. To those of the latter group: you've been cautioned. Read at your own risk!

* Nearly every day, Abigail hugs and kisses her daddy good-bye as he leaves for school or work. This particular day, Jon was leaving for work, more specifically, to bar-tend at the lucrative Ruby Tuesday in the Mall of America. Abigail has visited her daddy at his work before, and she has watched him pour beers, shake martinis, and place glasses in neat rows to fill with fountain drinks of many kinds. After Jon gave his usual barrage of kisses to Abi (including a strange phase of her wanting kisses for her elbows), she went to her room and began putting on her dress-up clothes. When she emerged, she was donning a large-brimmed sun hat, a few necklaces, and an over-sized button up shirt. She then went to the front hallway and stepped into Jon's old work shoes. She waddled (very clown-like) to her little car where she slipped on her purse and sat down. Turning to me she stated very matter-of-factly, "Mom, I go to work now. I go to make cups!" Then she scooted, big shoes and all, down the hallway back to her room.

* Jon often chews gum in the car to help keep himself awake during long trips. After one such trip, Abi noticed Jon's constant chewing and of course, wanted whatever he was eating. Jon took out a fresh stick and tore off a small corner. He then instructed her not to swallow it, but only to chew it. "When you're finished," he explained,"you can spit it out in the garbage." When we returned to the apartment the thrill of chewing gum had apparently worn off. Abi went straight to the garbage and spit it out. We applauded her for not swallowing it, and for spitting it out in the garbage (instead of less-appealing places like in her hair, in her sister's hair, in her mother's hair, or in her father's...uh...backpack). However, about an hour later we caught her walking through the living room, chomping away on a piece of chewing gum. Confused Jon questioned her, "Abigail, what are you eating?"
"Gum!" she replied happily.
Already knowing the answer, he grimaced and asked, "Where did you get it?"
Without a hint of disgust, she responded quite honestly, "The garbage!"

* I was clearing dishes after breakfast one morning, leaving Abigail and Jon at the table. They started making up words to make each other laugh. Then Jon started using funny voices which Abi would emulate. One such voice was low and growly, which made it particularly humorous for Abi to copy since she has a high, squeaky voice to begin with. This brought the most laughs from Jon and me, so of course, she mimicked this voice over and over to please us. After a little while her voice got a bit hoarse so she cleared her throat. That little cough must have brought up a bit of phlegm that caused her voice to turn ultra-raspy when she tried to talk again. Instead of coughing again to clear the obstruction she continued talking in the raspy voice - which was super funny-sounding! She suddenly realized that she recognized something familiar about the voice she heard coming from her. She exclaimed in her best raspy-voiced impersonation, "I Uncle Jay!"

* Abigail maintains quite an entourage of stuffed animals that accompany her to bed. The master list would include B (the Goat), Raymond (the otter, as named by Jon), Winnie the Pooh & Tigger (as named by A.A. Milne), and Cat in the Hat (as named by Dr. Seuss). Others that sometimes make the list would be Purple Bear, "Little Pooh" (who is currently naked), Baby 1, Baby 2 (names TBD), and пингвин (if you can get that one, you get bonus points). One night, Abi invited her entire guest list into bed with her. After carefully arranging them several rows deep on her pillow she took a step back and sighed desperately. Then exclaimed, "There's no place for me to live!"

More stories to come! (I have lots more) But I will give you a few shorter dialogues and quotes to whet your whistle:

Abi: "I'm not eating a cow! I'm eating a hamburger!"

Grandma: "Abi, are you satisfied?"
Abi: "No, I HAPPY!"

Mom: "Abi, why are you squatting like that? Do you have to go potty?"
Abi: "No..."
Mom: "Oh I see, you're hiding a golf ball in your shorts."
Abi: "No, I hiding TWO golf balls!"

Mom (to Abi): "Where does the tow truck take the broken cars?"
Abi: "To Canada!"

Abi: "What does a caterpillar say, Daddy?"
Dad: "Umm...rrRrr, rrRrr..." (noise like a cartoon caterpillar inching along)
Abi: "No! He don't say anything! He's just a caterpillar!"
Dad: "I didn't know it was a trick question!"


No comments: