Saturday, March 17, 2007

NEW Adventures in the Life of Brenda #1: The Destruction of Mary Poppins

Anyone who knows me knows that I have an entourage of absurd little anecdotes (not to be confused with ANTIDOTES) that I collect from my absurd little life to share to get a laugh. I'm not very funny or witty in real life, except when absurd little things happen to me, and so I am perfecting the art of story-telling so as to have some sort of humerous vein to pass on to my children. I will actually probably only pass on the klutziness, gracelessness, absent-mindedness, and goofiness that makes such stories possible, but none-the-less, I have tried. Now with a new co-star to share the limelight and often set the stage of my Adventures, I have found I must create a new, creative, and fantastic name to my anecdotes so I have come up with: DUH-duh-DAAAAH!!! Crash! "NEW Adventures in the Life of Brenda!" For that reason, I shall also start the counter over at 1 (and since I don't remember where the counter left off in the OLD adventures...) Thus commences Adventure #1...

It's about Mary Poppins and my husband's unquenchable desire to see the movie now that he was grown. UNQUENCHABLE DESIRE. Poppins was on his mind for MONTHS. After hearing quotes, songs, and the occasional "Ode to Poppins" from him, I finally suggested renting it. It seemed like everything was against Jon being re-united with Poppins. First a lengthy, painful, Blockbuster membership form. Then a fussy car who refused to start. Poppins seemed to mock us from her little plastic case. Jon glared at her, a look filled with greed and malice. Soon, Poppins. Very, very soon. Finally we arrived back home to pop-in the Poppins. But...

"Um, Jon...the DVD case won't open..."
A firey silence smoldered in the tiny apartment.
The yellow security strip was still intact!
What happened next was like a blur. I backed away into the livingroom as Jon carefully got up and retrieved a pliers from the hall closet. He then went to work operating on the Poppins. A few moments and several manly grunts later he was triumphantly holding the yellow strip in the air, with the DVD case in a hundred pieces on the dining room table. Thankfully, the Poppins was not harmed in this procedure. We enjoyed the video, especially the dancing penguins!

The next day was when we felt a little sheepish about our actions. We ate our breakfast in silence around the bits of plastic and paper that used to be the Poppins' home. We didn't know how we would explain it to Blockbuster. So for weeks we pretended it didn't exist and hid the Poppins. Finally, one blustery night, I mustered up the courage to fess up to Blockbuster, admit our crime of impatience and pay whatever fine they threw at us. But do you know what they did after I showed them the pitiful mess we hacked apart? They credited us a free rental, took responsibility for the destruction, and apologized! That was not the response I was expecting!

I am thankful for the outcome, although I always check our rentals for the little yellow strip when I leave the video store now! I also learned that Jon will not be outwitted by little piece of plastic. When logic fails, that's when muscles come in.

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